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The belatad Spring 2000 Update in 3 pitiful parts: Febuary, March and April

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2 of 3 (March part) ...Or mabye its 7 of 9 of Tertiary Adjunct One of the Borg Cube. Sorry. Only kiding.

Why the County Clerk was so mad at Granfather this time.

The old basterd played a prank that got out of controle. Well, actualy, with Granfather, you never realy KNOW if it is a prank. He is truly evil and sadistic and so he might of done it on purpose. Anyway, what Granfather did was put the town on eBay. Yes the entire County Seat. Only a few hundred people live there but even still the old basterd tried to sell it. When no one boght it on eBay he tried anothor online auction and some rich guy in Germany is now suing the County cause he claims he now owns all the houses and acreage and livestock and grain silos and such for $1.1 milion after four bids over the reserve price.

How the evil basterd plotted this

The old basterd had the German guy who won the auction write the check on a U.S. bank, made out in the name of the County. The milion dollor check was then mailed to our house. Then alls Granfather did was write "State Highway Funding" on the memo section of the check, and bring it down to the County Building and leave it in the "In" tray where somhow it got cashed.

It is a nuisence lawsuit to be sure and will probly get dismissed but somone has to pay to defend the town agianst the angry Krout's lawyers and the County Clerk feels it shoud be GRANFATHER.

The next day at work

There was a big meeting that was called in Conference Room B. I am tech suport but I do not know why I have to go to these meetings. Cyberblop is housed in one of these modern monstrousitties of a corporate building, and Conference Room B is shaped like an extremly long skinny slice of pie. Any sounds in the room are teribly amplified. Plus these meetings always freakin go on for hours.

What the meeting was about

It was an "Emergency meeting on B-to-B E-Commerce." The person running the meeting was The Lady Who Screams at Everyone. The 5 or 6 managors who report to her were there, including Tilde, who is my boss.

The meeting droaned on forevor. We all got screamed at and Tilde, with her danm jaw still wired shut kept whimpering like a whipped puppy.

You coud tell the gist of the meeting right away: No one at Cyberblop knew what the hell B-to-B E-Commerce even was for Godsake, but dammit, we had all bettor get into it, and fast, because this is what the rest of the freakin internet industry was alredy doing.

The meeting descended into a two hour discussion of how you write "B-to-B E-commerce, (I mean, is it capitol "B", or small "b", or else two small b's, is there a dash between the B and the B, and what about the freakin "E" and "C" in E-commerce?")

And then, the inportant part

I mean, between the two "Bs" was it spelt "to" or "2" for Godsake? I was forced to write all the posible combinations on the whiteboard. I inhailed too much magic marker fumes and got sick.

The only bright spot was when this one guy who reports to the Lady Who Screamms at evereyone, this real ass kisser extrodinaire of a flying monkey sugested that we rename Conference Room B as "Conference Room B2B"

Finaly lunch

At 12 o'clock the Lady who Screams at everyone anounced that she was going to treat everyone for lunch. She gets this big yellow pad and asks everyone arround the room what they want at the Chinese Restuarant.


So then she writes it all down, and calls up the restuarant from the console phone in Conference Room B2B, (yes, they voted afirmatively on the ass kissor's sugestion), and its exactley $78.00 including tip.


I coud not beleive it. Then she hollers at me not to be late: Everyone in Conference room B2B was workin there asses off on b2b e-Commerce stratagy, and as a result they were all hungry dammit. Also she said in a snotty tone to make sure her food is not cold because last time it was.

I was so danm mad at the Lady Who Screams at Everyone. Even Tilde was alloud to order food and her freakin jaw is wired. I tell you if I was any less of a man I woud of thrown a booger in the Lady Who Screams at Everyone's food out of spite. But I am not a spitefull person in that way. Instead what I was did was purposeley make her food cold.

The Lady who Screams at Everyone ordered the Kung Pow chicken. It was one of those rare days in this part of Texas that are quite cold. It is a long drive to the Chinese Restraunt and I made sure to hold the bag holding her food outside the window as I drove.

Also she said to "hurry." But you know what? I decidded to take my own sweet ass time.Whoops what is this? I need gas. I stopped at the gas station. Usualy I pump my own gas but I let the man pump it for me. Yes, it is because I am taking it easy. I even let someone get ahead of me. It was a wealthy rancher in one of those big Caddillacs with the longhorns atached to the front. America is the only country in the world where a milionaire pumps his own gasoline while an illegal alien stands there watchin him and collects the money.

While the gas was being pumped, I unstapled the steyrofoam tray that held the Lady Who Screams At Everyone's Kong Pow chicken. I wanted to make sure it was nice and friggin cold. Howevor, it was still quite warm.

So as I waited for my tank to fill I tossed the meal high in the air and kept catching it just like one of those old Forty Niner gold prospectors do in the old movies so the cold wind woud blow agianst the peices of chicken. I am pretty good at it too cause I really didnt spill any of it. The more I tossed it the higher and highor I was able to throw it in the air. I kept hoping maybe a bird woud crap in it or somthing, but it didnt happen.

Now that I look back on this, I was sort of ashamed of what i did. But you must undorstand how danm mad and hurt I was to be excluded free B2B Meeting chinese food lunch.

Then it was time to bag it all up agian and drive on my way, once more driving with one hand as I still kept the danm Lady Who Screams at Everyone's food out the car window. About a mile from Cyberblop I drew the bag inside to feel it with my hand and it just wasnt cold enuogh.

Anyway I thought that the paper bag that held the tray of Kung Pow was keeping it warm. And so I whipped the bag off it and just held the steyrofoam tray out of the window so the cold air woud hit it. Also I leaned over to the pasenger side and cranked that window down as well. I sat up straight agian and stuck the food out the driver's window again and I guess I was not lookin at the road cause as soon as I stuck my hand out there KUNG POW

Oh, crap.