Walter Miller's Home Page

"Dickens is nothing compared to Walter Miller"
-- Joey Anuff of Suck.com quoted in the Wall Street Journal, 12/9/96

Post Holiday 1/97 update

Page 7 of 8


An Emorgency

It was real awful cause just as we drove up an amboulence drove past real fast and there was cops and some neighbers outside. This old lady who i could tell was granfathers girlfriends sister cause she looked like her (but not near as ugly) runs up to our car all upset and cryin. It seems that Edword was depresed and just tryed to kill hiself right on Christmos Eve with a ovordose of pills and they just took him away in the ambulence.

The Girlfrend loses it

She starts screamin like crazy and gramps trys to calm her down. Then Ed's aunt jumps in one of the neighbor's car and says shell follow the abmulance to the hospitol. Eds mother is hysteracle and hops in the neigbors car too and she wants Granfather there also to comfart her. So the old basterd slithors out of our car and gets in. Its a GeoMetro that seats just 4 so i stay behind.

So I dont know what the hell to do. Granfather hollors at me as they drive off GO IN THE HOUSE BOY AN WAIT FOR US.

Home Alone Hell

By now its 7pm and soon as i go in and shut the door i haveto take a mean whiz. Im all alone and I see a bathroom at the top ofthe stairs so I went up to use it.

When I come out GEUSS WHAT. Theres a big mean dog at the bottem of the stairs. When Ed stayed over with us he said he had a pitbull that was trained to kill and if he ever took it to our house and said ATTACK! it woud take on all 14 of granfaters skinny dogs at once and kill them all and then hed snap my neck like a twig in his jaws. Now I was a strangor alone in this dogs house.

It had a ugly ovorsize head and was the scaryest dog I ever saw. i tryed very slow to inch my way down the stairs to get past him and he lunged in mid air all the way tothe 5th step with his jaws snappin--it sounded like 2 rocks hittin each other. Then he dropped from a hieght of 4 or 5 feet on his squat legs right on the hardwood steps and toumbled down to the bottom of the stairs fallin on his back.

He didnt even yelp but made a "Unnhh!" grunt like a big strong man and not a dog woud make. Then he regained his composore and began growlin, slowly makin his way up the steps. You coud tell he wasnt used to climbin the stairs cause he seemed wobbly an it took about 5 seconds for each step. This could of been cause the hardwood floor was real slippory. Or else mabye he was limping cause he just took a bad fall. Shit man i was terrofyed.

I ran in all the other rooms upstairs seein if I coud jump out a window but they all had these cheap vinyl windowsills and even my skinny ass woud break them if i leaned on it plus it was a long way down...when I came back out in the hall the dog was onthe top step! He growled LOUD and had silvory spit threds hangin on his jaw.

I took my shoe off instinctovly and thru it and hit him rihgt on his chest and probly didnt hurt so I got my other shoe and clocked him on the nose. The dog shufled down one step sort of on his wrists. I coud tell I didnt hurt him but just made him lose his balence.

I saw on the news once that pitbulls thrive on pain they atcualy like it and gets them more thursty for blood. I started cryin an ran in the bathroom an got a big heavy jar of coldcream and by now he was 2 feet from me and I wailed it at close range hard as i coud right between his eyes and it just buonced off. The damn dog didnt even blink.

I ran to get in the bathroom but my socks slipped onthe floor an I coudnt shut the door and he clapsed his jaws real hard on the egde ofthe door it was a hollow panel door and colapsed all along the bottem and he thrashced his huge head side to side and bit right thru the friggin wood a big D-shape hole as big as half a watermelen. All i coud do was close my eyes and get a heinos vision of that dog with his teeth sunk in my nuts.

In the bathroom I saw a mop with a steel bracket that you slide a foam head in and i leveled it aiming at his head but hit his chest and pushed hard as I coud. The dog slid 4 feet across the floor to the edge of the steps and lost his ballance scramboling his nails at the edge so I pushed the mop again on his ugly friggin nose and he slid down the whole flite of stairs as his chin hit each step on the way down till he fell straite to the bottom landing on the lower level with his spindly rear legs splayed out on the floor right on that oval puckered pink dog ass. When you see the back of a dog you know ecaxtly what Im talkin about.

Oh CRAP!