If you cant tell by now my hopes and dreams arent qiuet so "action packed" as granfathers. But beside my personal desire to learn not to lie, exagorate and be a emotoinol wreck my main dream this year is to become SELFSUFICEINT.
As a self suppourting author I can excape my Texas trailor of hell as a profesional novelist and voice of my generation like Douglas Copeland or Jack Kerouak.
Granfather made cruel fun of me sayins I looked like a 'YOUNG ANNORECTIC ROBART BORK'. He recalled the newspapors line from a few years back that Jugde Bork looked like 'the devils acountant' so granfather said I looked like the devils workstation support geek. I thoght about this for a minute and then relized: I AM the devils workstatoin suport geek. And plus Im his ass wiper too. So my 'new look' lasted a week.
Also the doctor sugested I dump the newlook as the old mutation was laughin so much he risked fallin and breakin a hip.
But theres more inportant things than my flurtation with vanity: I want to get outof debt. I want my own car. I want the womon I love.
Granfather teases me on my inexperience with woman. OK i admit it I want to get layed. But in a NICE way where the people doin it love eachother. Or at least LIKE eachother. Not like how they kiss on televison biting eachothers open mouths angry as hell. I dont know why people kiss that way on TV its somthing new just inthe last year or so. They look like granfather tryin to get a whole grapefriut in his mouth in one bite as to make sure I wont ask for half and godforbid hed have to SHARE for once inhis life; the greedy beast unhooks his pythonlike jaw socket wolfing it all at once in famished desperation with eyes shut so the juice wont burn them plus he has to bite hard cause the peel is still on as hes too friggin lazy to of took it off.
So back to the finacial aspect: Yes i want to profit from my lifestory SO THE HELL WHAT? ITS THE AMERICAN WAY. And so is sittin on ones ass colecting welfare and thats what HE does. (He even sugested I apply for funding to help me learn corect spelling as i unlearn 'Waltonics.' Yeah right.)
Atleast my goal is more nobler. Besides evryone claims they will make money off the internet. I sure as hell havent figored out how yet buts its my dream.
I find this very insulting. Im tall an skinny but am filling in evry day. I alredy KNOW what i want to be and YES IM grown up. My complexoin WILL clear up in 1997.
IM NOT A METAPHORE. IAM ME. (bUT HEY if it one day sends selfsuficency my way i wont complain)
Perhaps insted of writing a book first Ill develop other projetcs. Mabye Ill write other stuff on diferent subjects under a diffrent name--now THERES an idea. My freind Levi from Queens i met on my trip to Newyork last fall gave me good advice--try other stuff an dont get tied to one creative outlet. (Come to think of it even granfather has 2 creatove outlets: his mouth and his ass.)
My upcoming Xfiles spoof will be along those lines--same old smelly basterd, diferent creative treatment. I recently found an ad spoof i wrote last May that I acodentaly took off my webpage. It inspired me to write a new funny ad. You can read the 2 ads below. When your finished click BACK on your browsor to return tothis page or just click the last hyporlink below to read the other parts of this speciel expanded update.
Read AD #2 a clasic from this year