Walter Miller's Homepage

I appollogize for you havin to wait so long for this crap. I will try to do better.

Early Jannuary 1999 Update

Page 5 of 6


You work for me!!

Aftor the meeting everyone filed outof the confference room looking all depressed at the prospect of Unisex bodily functionns, and as I was walkin down the hall I saw aproaching me the New Ecexutive V.P. frowning nasty emoticon guy -- the guy who used to look smiley like this:

=:^)

...but who now looks pissed and angrey like this:

=]:^[

...and as he passed by me he pointed me out to this othor guy next to him who was all dressed in black.

"He's the one!," yelled the formerley happy emoticon.

The guy in black was tall and skinney with giant glasses and he looked, (now this is realley wierd), but he looked allot like the creepy pointey-faced charactor in those obnoxoius "...For Dummies(TM)" book series who's alwayes stickin his finger up in the air. Exept mabye this was his evil twin.

The "...For Dummies(TM)" guy grabbed my upper arm and started shakin it hard.

"You work for me!", he cryed angrilly, "You work for ME!"

I was about to mak some wiseass remmark like, "Pleased to meet you too," but insted he started hollerin at me abuot some project that he wanted me to do.

"You have a repputation for being a screw-up," he sneered, "And I have a reputattion for bein a hardass. One of us is goingto change."

He thrust a stack of web page printouts all marked up in red into my hands.

"I want it coded, proofed, and up on the test server ASAP!," he snapped, and then he stomped off like some sort of cartoon charactor that just had an anvil fall on his head.

This is the new thing arround here. Peoplle just talk so mean to eachother.

Back at my desk there was a phonemail.

It was a bluberring joyful weeping messege from Junior. Saints alive, (actualy, devils alive, at least one awfull senior devil,), Granfather was out of the coma.

What i saw when I got home

The scene to me looked allot like that part of E.T. when they put the plastic tenting ovor E.T. when he is sick and dying. There was allkind of plastic taped evereywhere inside the whole shed but it was not to preserve the life of the specimin as was the case in E.T. -- insted it was to protect our envoroment from The Specimin. Yes the old basterd's stink was so bad. (The only othor thing in the scene that made it diferrent from E.T. was the "I Feel Pretty" song in German bein shouted out on the tape in the backround.)

Granfather looked so old and awfull and frail and unbeliveabley emaciated. But his lemon yelloew eyes were open and the diamend-shaped reptillian pupils were very diallated. The pissy yellow color of his eyes contrasted with the muckey greenish brown of his teeth and a shockingley overall blue pallor to his skin. Yes Granfather truely had a blue tinge. He looked more like a skeleten than a corpse and by that I specificly mean somthing that still had flesh on it.

This is kind of disgousting but once I was moving the clothes dryer away from the trailor wall and I saw somthin flat like a pancake remain on the floor underneath. It was a very, very old dryed out rat that was all withored, a skelleton realy, held togethor by strips of what looked like wrinkoled buckskin, and in place of where actuol flesh used to be, allot of this this wispy dryer fuzz, (mostley blue from blue jeans) had been clogging all the crannies and void parts of where the previously meaty parts of the rat had decompoased away. Up arround the rat's face its ghastley orange teeth were all showing undor its tiny skull and overall the whole thing was all sqaushed out of shape from being under the dryer. Anyway this is ecaxtly how Granfather looked.

Weakly, Granfather motionned me, him and Junior to come close to him. His voice was not the strong healthey scream we were used to but insted a huskey, barely audibble scream.

"DID JY'ALL WATCH MUH DAMN WILL ON TAPE?"

We told him we had. He also asked us if we found the $50 and the note instructing us to have a nice supper in that restuaront.

"WAAL, I WANT IT BACK," said the cheap sunoffobich. Just then Junior bursted into tears. He is a sweet guy but not very inteliggent to begin with, and when he's emotionol is given to blabboring nonsense.

"Oh, Granpy," Junior wailed, "Is it really you? Is you really here?"

Granfather answored, "YES I IS, JUNIOR, IN THE FLESH."

And is you alive...is you uh-LAAVHE?"

"I SURE IS."

"An' tell me Granpy. Do you feel purty and werty and gay?"

"HAYLE, NO," snapped Gramps, who paused for a seccond and then added in a low muttor, "WELL, WHUT WIT THIS BIG ASS OLE THANG UP MUH BUTT, MEBBE A BIT GAY."

Granfather in a half-daze then delerriously asked a whole bunch of rappid-fire qeustions:

HOW'S MY DAWGS?

WHUT'S THE NASDAQ DOIN'?

WHO WON THE SUPER BOWL?

DID MUH BROTHER WILLY DIE YET?...NO? DAMN!

DID STUPID ASS JANE GIT BACK AGINN WITH NASTY OL' MICHAEL ON 'MELROSE PLACE?'

WHUT'S UP WITH THE IMPEACHMENT THANG?...WHOA, THET BAD, HUH? THEM PORE IRAQIS, YOU KNOW THE'YRE GONNA BE THE ONES TO PAY."

The three cryptozoologists told us to give Granfather more breathing space and they also cautionned him not to get too agittated so qiuckly aftor comin out of the coma. Just then the normal, casualy evil look on Granfather's face tightenned into a startoled flinch. The old basterd grimaced, and a look of fear washed over his remarkably demonic faciol features.

I glanced up at Madison, Ripke and Blankenship, and they too looked stunned. They all knew somthing that we didnt. Somthing bad...

Somthing awful...