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So my freind Levi visited anyway. He was alredy in Texas on busines so i asked him over. We met in Internet World. lastyear I dont have many frends, its hard for me to open up. Plus Im in a career rut. I am in need of mentoring. Granps was mad I invited a guest in his expected absence but he genoraly behaved--Atleast AT FIRST. He was preocupied with his upcoming legol battles and was on conference call with his lawyer and the plaintifs tryin to setlle out of court. At one point he called one a 'lickspittle' & another a WUSSY. These are NOT words to use when your tryin to settle out of cuort.
They belive the old bastord is a uniqeu yet undiscovored form of animal life. The van is a mobile lab where they observe him in a unshackoled habatat. The only thing hes not aloud to do is smoke in the van. And if he hasto pee or crap its in a plastic cup: NOT the floor.
As he leaves, he turns to me holding up that curved linolium knife and growls that if i so much as show Levi any of his colectible treasures hell personaly dismember me "GIBLET BY GIBLET" down to the moleculor level.
AS THEM DOGS ARE GITTIN' MEAT IN THERE DIET, YOU BETTOR WATCH IT BOY, Y'HEAR? The 3 sceintists furriously scribble this down in there notes & tap it in there laptops.
They came back after supper. Me & Levi were atthe kitchon table. He was helpin me with my resume. I had the crapiest resume you evor saw. I even had stuff spelt wrong on it. I need to find more work cause my enployer cut my hours for poor porformance. All this week Im on somthing called "trial furluogh" where you dont work AT ALL.
The head zoologist takes me aside to brief me on that day's sceintific findings. Meanwile the other 2 zologists are in there regular spots: One is onthe sofa entering data; the 3rd guy's bent over the john retchin his guts out--As usual. Except this time I have to send Levi in the loo to tell him the toilets busted & plaese use the one outside.
They warn me: Keep Granps OFF THE NET for 1 week atleast. If he gets on he MAY get violant. I said what ELSE is new. He explaned his new THEORY.
We alredy know that Granfather is constantly paranoid that the Web secretly controls peoples minds with inpulses of light to your brain--mostly 'secret orders' on buying habits. Also to 'Trust the Net' whatever that means. Also 'recycle' and 'wear condoms' and 'Al Gore in 2000'. It controls even minor things like silent mesages to floss daily and eat pasta sallad and drink Zima.
Acordin to my demented paronoid granfather it all started with cooky tecnology and hidden chips in the new ugly $100 bill.