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June 97 Update

Page 3 of 4


The Vidoetape Archives

I have written about Granfathers extensive colections. He has colections of ALL KINDS: Farm tools, hubcaps, tin cans, books, One of the bigest colections he has is his videotape archives. Back in 1975 which was even beffore I was born granfather spent $1,300 which was allot of money back then on a Beta Max machene which is an old fashioned VCR. I cannot even imagine the olden days when if you saw a good TV show you had to wait until summer to see a re-run or even having to wait a whole year to see a movie on TV--you coudnt rent it.

Well The old bastord saw the pottentiel of taping things and for years he tapes things ALL DAY 24 hours a day. His whole sociel Security check goes to blank tapes. We go thruogh severol hundred 6-hour tapes a month. There all over the friggin trailer and its a wonder you dont trip on them and break your ass.

About once a month I colect them up in Heftey Bags and haul them out to one of our huge chickon coops by the egde of the propperty that no longer has chickens in it but it is filled on one end with granfathers videotape archives. He has litorally tens of thosands of all kind of tapes. Each month I have to make about 5 trips to the chicken coop of Hefty bags in a bent old shopping cart that granfather stole years ago that all its wheels turn in difforent directoins when you push it ecxept one wheel that doesnt touch the gruound at all and just sort of twirls around on its own.

Explicit Dirrections

There is a method to his madness. Just before I go out there the old beast sits me down at the kitchon table and takes a can of silver spray paint and paints numbers on the bags. Its too dangerous to go into the chickon coop because its so full of his colectibles and you coud be buried alive. But still sometimes I HAVE to go in and i take my life in my hands.

Each number painted on the bags reppresents one of the windows on the coop and i am instructed to heave the bags into, or also a spot on the floor of the coop. Its a 2 story building but very long maybe a few hundred feet long and has atleast 50 windows. Somtimes we deposit crap thruogh a window and other times we go in the biulding to do it. The old bastord has every sqaure inch of every building comitted to his demonic superhueman memory. Call it granfathers pevverted version of the Dewey Decimol system.

Then granfather spreads out a soggy old map of our yard thats scrawled in pencil on brown butcher paper that has the chickon coop on it. We have 8 chicken coops in all and about a dozon other buildings. Our propperty is so full of garbage and crap its unbelivvable. He points his crooked finger on the table to various parts and says things like MAKE SURE THEM PBS NEWS PROGRAMS GO IN BUILDING 2, WINDOW 14, AND ALL THESE HERE U.P.N. SITCOM TAPES GO IN WINDOW 9.

Biossphere 2

This is what we call Chicken Coop #2. Why? Because it is a danm ecosystem unto itself.

Like all of Granfathers colectibles in all the buildings and barns, the videotapes are not stacked nicely but are piled in dillapidated mountains because the bags always split and tear and theyre all on top of hunks of rancid carpeting spred on the dirtfloor. Some of the bags go up to the ceiling. This is just half the building cause the other half has moldy magaznines cheesey soggy newspappers, paperback books and assorted 'softs' as he calls them like old smelly fermenting sofas and couches. (This too is where all the AOL startup disks go--and we have more than that girl tryin to set that record, letme tell you). The olny problem is with some of these 'softs', like a 200 pound sofa coming at you from 20 feet above, if the wooden leg part lands on your skull, it will crack your friggin skull.

The worst part is theres brokken windows and dirt blows in all day plus tons of old cornmeal from the loft is STILL stored there which sprinkles down on top covering everything like sand. The Hefty bags rip and many tapes get ruinned.

This cornmeal gets wet and sour from the rain and theres tons of ants and worms and tiny friutflies that live RIHGT IN IT. Plus rat dropings and birdcrap streak the piles of tapes and books and furnitoure cause they eat the cornmeal too and after I drop off the next box of tapes i get the hell out fast cause Im afraid of rats and also the birds will divebomb you or at least poo on you at high speed. There are bees and scorpions in there and those giant discusting centipeades. Also colonies of mice, racoons and bats live there.

If you know somthing about chicken buildings this is the 20,000 chickon size coop. Granfather only has a few dozen free range yard chickons now, but theres probly more TOTAL animals livin in this coop NOW rather than THEN. Not to mention coyoties and wild dogs who maraud in once in a while to attack cats who somtimes roost there to feed on mice and birds. Then there are pecaries which are evil little wild boars. Late at night when your tryin to sleep the racoons and dogs or cats and peckaries are fighting or screaming or humping it sounds like danm Jourasic Park. Like i said its a danm ecosystem.

Granfather has an anouncement

THERES EVVIDENCE IN THE SHED, BOY, AND I'M GOING IN.

2 days ago the old bastord told me about some tapes in there that provide rock hard evvidence that will clear him in his court case and he told me he is "going in" to search for it. Well, he is NOT ALLOUD to 'go in' because its too dangerous. Granfather was nearly killed a few times in his life and in 1990 had a very close brusch with death that busted up his legs and put him in a wheelchair.

We have a giant fight

He screams at me that hes allowed to search his colectibles. "THE ANSWOR'S OUT IN BUIDING TWO" he howled to me over and over. But I am his adult home care provider and I said he CANT go it. We had a giant yelling an screamin match. Especialy when he told me that the tape was from arround 1993 and was aproximately 10 feet down.

As we fought about this, I was then distracted by a phone call from one of the people I do freelance work for.

I get in truoble