Walter Miller Homepage

"SO WHAT DAMMIT SONETIMES I FERGET WHAT IM DOING AND I FIND MUHSELF DRINKIN OUT OF THE TOILAT...WHAT OF IT?" -- Granfather, cought in the act, Thanskgving 1987.

Nov 96 Update

Page 5 of 8


Im not yet 21 but Im tall so they didnt card me. We sat at a small table and granfathor told me about his day. First he went to Times Sqaure which got him in a pissed mood cause he heard they were cleaning up the area of the nasty shops and hookers and perhaps Disnay would be involved. The idea that Disnay might clean up that area made him sick. Then he told me there was a place nearby called Peepland that he got thrown outof on his ass. (He didnt say why). Then he told me that after this he had to take a crap real bad and spent an hour lookin for a place to go. But you know in New York theres never anyplace to go. I GOT CHASED OUTA EVERYWERE he said.

Granfather knew he had a huge load coming and he told me THE CONTRACTIONS WERE 2 MINITES APART (which is always what he says when hes got 30 seconds before the exploasin). So he slithored out ofthe wheelchair an said WHAT THE HELL, New York craps on the rest of the country so he just craped on Newyork right on the sidewalk. And guess what NO ONE paid atention or said nothin. Yes in New York city its true I read it somwhere on the Internet a persen is alowed to crap on the sidewalk but if your dog does it you get a $500 fine.

WHERES THAT EDOTORIAL SECTION?

He found a N.Y. Post in the trash can to wipe off with, thuoght about it, then put it back in the can and fished around till he found a NY Times instead. Lately hes not happy with there unbalenced covorage of the presidental race.

It stoped raining and the sun came out and he decided to rest a bit and sit on the sidewalk peeling his toenials down. He does it with his teeth but I must say in a very gentle delacate manor. I THINK I LIKE THIS SORTA WOODY GUTHREY WAY OF LIFE granfather told me.

No strangors said nothing while he sat there but ill bet people who walked by probly thoght he was a stone gargoiyle come to life that just fell off the Chryslor building and landed on the pavemant face first. He had his old plaid colord thermos with him full of Ensure with vodka and he took a snort and put the cup on the ground--and in about 5 seconds 2 people put doller bills in there! Now in Austin sometines people come up to you to bum a quartor but heres this old beast publicly doin one disgosting thing after another and without even askin he gets paid for it.

He also told me he sat there wailing that he lives with his abusive grandson in a trailor in Texas. He may or may not of REALLY said that but mabye just told me so to hurt me. Granfathor made $84 in about 6 huors. Yes money made from BEGGING the miseroble greedy basterd. Hes a very sick disguistin man and Im ashamed of him. Bein related to him doesnt help a poor selfesteem problem. I only share these storys as a form of personel therapy.

He gets rude and loud

At first he was rather calm in that bar that night. We had beer an watched the game. Granfathers not a basball fan and realy wanted to see the Jets play since we were so close to Shay Stadium. Hes so stupid he didnt even know the Jets moved outof Shey an left Queans years ago. He made a loud rude joke that the Jets, Henry the 8th and Liberachi all had somthing in common: They all SCREUWED QUEENS. This is an old joke hes said many times. Its NOT funny but he repeats it 2 or 3 times and then annother 10 or 15 times louder an louder each time like a busted taperecordor till this real big guy with Yankee symbols painted on his face says SHUT THE HELL UP.

So granfather takes ofense at this man and says to him OH YEAH? THE YANKS SUCK which was NOT SMART and starts loudly rooting for Alanta. He starts doing the Braves Chop with his wizend gnarled hand, loudly howling and caterwauling the Indien chant they do at Braves stadium: OHHH, WooAA-Woowoo, WooAAwoo-Woo... screaching like a friggin chicken. Noone can hear themself think. The big guy with the Yankee logo on his face says again: SHUT UP POPS!

You see this is what you get with granfather. Hes a uncouth mentaly ill pain inthe ass who shoudnt be aloud in public exept maybe floatin in a big jar of alcahol at the Riply Beleive It Or Not Musuem. He starts loudly mocking each Yankee and keeps it up forthe whole game most disrespectfuly: Saying Cecel Feilder has a giant ass, David Whethers looks like the mean older brother in Home Alone and Joe Torry looks like one ofthe 50 guys who got killed during the Baptisom scene at the end of The Godfather. Also Don Zimmer is a huge shaved eldorly gerbil with allopecia plus looks like Jaba The Hut. This annoys all the people in the bar. The olny one he doesnt make fun of is Daryl Strawbery. Granfather loves the Straw Man hes his favorete player.

Grampy starts a barfihgt