Walter Miller Homepage

Yes our desognated Spitter spits more than the whole Nationol leage in one day

Nov 96 Update

Page 6 of 8


After screamin public insults to almost the whole Yankee rotattion (maybe the Fox netwerk DID show too much footage of ugly old Zimmor Im sorry) granfather taps his cane on the table yells loud TAKE ME TO THE HEAD BOY GOTTA DRAIN THE SNAKE which means he has to pee. I wheel him in the restroom and stand him up so he can go. Whos in the next urrinol but the man with the Yankee symbol on his face who told him to SHUT UP 2 times and he was atleast six-five and 250 pouonds an all mucsle. Granfather leans over to 'inspect his equitpment' as they say peering down at the mans schween an says LOOKS LIKE YOUR SHAKIN HANDS WITH THE DEAD, BUB. The man gets angry an says soon as he finishes peein hell kick both our asses. I begged him PLEASE DONT SIR he looked VERY MEAN AND ANGRY an I started cryin. All this made Granfather snickor an tease him more. Just as they were both zippin up the old maniacol basterd says WHATS THIS? WHY ITS ONE MORE LITTLE SQUERT and then he shot a stream of tobaco juice right in the big mans ear.

Well i DIDNOT WANT to get my ass kicked cause this man was gigantic - I ran out to the bar. A minite later you hear loud fisticuffs. A crowd went in the mensroom. Granfathor has the poor man upsidedown with his head dunked in the toilat and his yellow horseteeth sunk deep in the mans bare ankel bleeding BAD. He was tryin to drown him. It took 4 people to separate them. Then granfather forced the big man to opologise to him and also to me. He thretened the man in front of the crowd that he better start doin the Braves chop NOW or hed bite one whole asscheek off with one bite. Then he said he shoud go tothe hospitol before he got infected to get shots cause hehad lots of diseases and the boy (Me) coud voutch for that. The man was in tears and got the hell outof there. Its not that granfathers a Braves fan he just hasto share hatred wherevor he goes.

Back at the book Agent

The next day atthe book agent granfather bahaved well. YES cause the night before I hevily sedated him before takin him back to his motel. Theres 2 ways to give the beast his dose: For a pill you hide the medicin in a wad of peanot buter and force it to the back of his throaht with neadlenose plyers and then stroke his throat encoraging him in soft nonthreatning tones like GOOD GRANFATHER...GOOOOD DOGGY.. For liqoud meddicine you wait till hes sleepin an then shove a metal auto transmision funnal in as far as you can and puor the dose in. He wont choke.

An idea for tonite

The office was crammed with security gaurds just in case granfather got out of sorts plus a few gawkers from the day before who missed the spectocle. Someon mentioned the monthely event of the New York Cybor Media Asociation woud be that night right in Queens near our hotel and we shoud go to promote the book I was writing. They said it'd be good for gramfather to 'schmooze' as they say. I said I was all for SHCMOOZIN as long as he wasnt OOZING.

Well if we did go we had lotsof work to do namely a whole day of washing to lower his stink. We were directed to Chinatown where we got this amazing ilegal soap plus Gold bond Medocated powder and a qaurt of Benadine Iodyne solution. We get on the subway to go back to my hotel and the seddation wares off. Granfather feels strong and slides out of the wheelchair leavin his regulor sluglike trail of slime. Yes this day he actualy used ONLY the leg bracces. (He made ME fold an carry the wheelchair).

First he trys to use Peepland tokens in the subway there almost the same size. They dont work an he throws a danm fit cause he wants the tokens back. He remembers readin years ago about crackheads in Newyork who kneal down and put there lips on the slot to suck tokens out into there mouth. Yes its discgusting and of cuors he recalls tehe article an begins to do it. To his advantige granfather tears the small brass plate off the slot part first with his rodentlike teeth. He starts suckin like a leech on speed. In no time hes got so many damn tokans in his mouth he looks like frikkin Alven the Chipmonk.

You lookin at ME?

But even with all his tokens the greedy basterd has to jump the tornstyle without payin. Once hes on the subway he descides to act out a fantacy hes had for 20 years--to be Chorles Bronson in Deathwish. In our subway car theres a bunch of innocant tourists I think from Norwey they were just hihgschool kids. He locks eyes on one of them an says over and over YOU LOOKIN AT ME? YOU LOOKIN AT ME?
The poor kid starts cryin then they all start cryin too an so does there teachor. Then he makes his cackly Tales of the Cript laugh. My granfathors a mean saddisctic evil basterd.

Grampys does the Web crowd