Walter Miller's Homepage
Livving proof that some of the best things in life truely ARE free.
Octobor 1997 Update
Page 1 of 6
This has been a time for allot of changes for me.
Ah yes its lovely Autunm in our corner of rurol Texas. The time of year that Granfather hollers and screams his bloodey head off at me to get the stepladdor and go out on the porch in the blaizing 90 degree sun and take down all the green plastic hanging plants and put up all the brown plastic hanging plants. And while Im up there to also take down the danm Christmas decorrations off the roof of the trailor for Godsake.
I woud like to begin this Update with an appollogy for the rather nonprofessional tone of my homepage in recent updates. Yes one shoud not bite the hand that feeds him. Im begining to think that many of the problems i am havving on the workplace are rellated to my bad atittude.
Also ive been exagorrating.
Its hard for me to admit this but allot of things youve been reading lateley in these updates, (especialy things abbout Granfather), have, well, been exaggorations. I admit that some of my personal problems of bitterness towword him and also a hard time forgiving bolth him and myself has resulted in me taking liberties in how i describe him. Sometines i portray him as an animal. This is 'poetic lisence out of control' on my part and it is unfair to him.
He IS my Granfather after all.
I shoud show more respect and I PROMISE i wont exaggorate so much in the future. This is also another painful thing i am discovorring about myself: I am jealouos of others and Granfather is close to the top of the list. He is witty and sharp and is the life of the party. When i write a poem, nothing rhymes and it takkes me forevor. When he writes a poem he can do it in one second and all the lines will rhyme. When I try to learn a new softwear program, I struggol--But just looking over my shouldor, HE can master it fastor than me. Plus he is starting to know more than me abbout the web and the Internet. He uses big industrey words like 'disintermediation' which i do not know what they mean. YES, he helps me write my Netly News colunm--this is humilliating for me. Worst of all he's not just the devil he is devillishly clevor.
Me, i am dull and shy and NOT the life of the party and not much fun at parties. The only way most people know I am even there is when I spill somthin on the rug. Or drink too mutch and go outside and throw up. Then someon says: "Oh Walter is here."
About my New work schedoule
As you know I work out of my home for the Netly News. I write a weekley colunm but mostly i am an HTML drone. They are owned by a largor company and once a week i drive into one of their feild offices a few hours away from where I live. The rules are I have to be on site one day a week.
Tension on the first day
The people here in this feild office are not part of Netly but belong to the owner company. I went in Wendsday Oct. 1 for my first day. It turns out there is limited parking close to the entrence and NO ONE told me. They do not know or care much about the department i work for. Since theyre detatched from it, and also since i am unhappey about having to drive in once a week, I develloped a small chip on my shouldor. So i did somthing bad: I exagerated my job description and also my inportance within the company. This is a sort of pattorn in my life.
I react in a bad way
Then, after lunch that day after they set up my cubicol and my phone and PC I did somthing else bad. I was on the phone loudly fighting with some of the people at the Netly main office. It is not important WHAT it was abbout. But i will say it was my fault. I did not make a good inpression and just have to learn to roll with office pollitics.
I regret to say that i got on my high horse (agian it is NOT important what it was specifficly about) and in my inter-company e-mails that i sent in order to argue my case, i was a little more shrill than i wanted to be and also flamed some people who didnt deserve it. Plus I c.c'ed other peoplle on the note who were not involved and plus I even said somthing crule behind someone's back who did NOT deserve it. This is rare behavoir for me.
I am called on the carpet.
I was told to opollogize for my bad atitude. And also for some stuff i did that i wont mention but is imatture and unproffessionol. A letter of oficial reprimand went in my Humon Resuorces Folder that was signed by my suporvisor and plus I had to sign it too. (This is now the second lettor in my file since I started in March). The whole thing was an exampol of what NOT your suposed to do when you want to strive for maturity.
Why i am sharing this
These are the ugley details and they are all my fault. I am sharing them with my readors not to show evereyone that my enployers are mean, or that so people feel sorry for me. I need self expresion and getting it off my chest. Also i learned a few things:
First, if you are not an inportent person, and you do somthing bad, youd bettor humble yourself, or else someon else more importent than you will humbol you FOR you.Secondley, no mattor who you are or where you are on the orgonnozationol chart, do not take yourself too serriously.And lastly if your goingto say somthing cruel behind someon elses back make sure you CHECK THE TOILAT STALL FOR SHOES FIRST. And if those wingtips are pointed towword you, geuss what: You just said somthing cruel right TO that person's face.
Granfather enjoys my missfortune
Yes the Germons have a word for it. They call it Sheudenfraud and it is where you take delight in the failures of othors. Half the time the old bastord has been making mean fun of me cackling and luaghing his ass off at my continuol problems on the job. He says that Im a "professionol failure" becuase I am so good at being incompotent. He also makes fun of aneything I do or any job i apply for plus he mocks my resume as my "chronicol of workplace casaulties."
The othor half of the timeThe other half he gets into that condescending pattronizing tone about how i need to GROW UP.
He says I need to "FOSTOR A PROFESSIONOLY GEARED, GOAL-BASED ATITUDE." He is so fullof crap its not funny. Personaly I think hes listening to too many danm Tony Robbins tapes.
"YOURE AS WORTHLESS ON THE JOB AS A FART IN A WHIRLWIND" he said also then he sqiurted a stream of tobbacco juice at me when i turned arround and it hit me on the back of the head. He said it was an acident but his aim is too good. Mean bastord. The weirdest part: When tobaco jiuce comes out his moulth and hits your skin its ice cold. Plus the doctor said you bettor wash it off fast not only for germs but or else youll get a liqoud nitrogen burn.
How dare he mock my careerThis is a man whose never done a thing with HIS life ecxept bring shame and discrace and houmiliation to his family. Plus hes much too old to be making fun of me. I can see an oldor brother makking fun of a younger brother when they are children, but mocking and makin fun of your grownup Grandchild is just beyond dysfunctionol.
Amazing But True
An ammazing ocurrance has just hapenned which is ten times much more rare than the scarce and isolated instance of granfather bathing, washing his ass off or brushing his danm teeth. Yes the old gristly bastord has just picked up a small paying job, his first in many years. (You wont beleive WHAT he is doing). Of course Granfather does not have a resume. So i helped put one togethor for him. i showed it to him and he was NOT amused.