Walter Miller's Homepage

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Update for Octobor 1997

Page 4 of 6


Yes somone i know from the past

I coudnt beleive it. I was at the Skin SoSoft booth and i see walkin down the Midway my former counselor. YES the womon im NOT suposed to be in love with. She was with her sister and her sisters husbend. And i must say she looked realy cute. She is 14 years oldor than me but you know True love cuts thruogh all those barriors. I have this tendencey to emmotionaly pounce on her when i see her but this time i didnt and instaed I sauntored around acting cool pretending to buy some SkinSo Soft until her sister saw me and said HI.

So i talked to them all a few minuts and the sisters husbend said he reads all the stuff i write on the web and thinks its funny. He desperatley wanted to meet the old bastord. I told him today it woud cost him 50 cents.

So just as me and him leave to go over there he says loud enuogh so both of the women hear: "WE SHOUD ALL DOUBLE DATE SOMETIME." and then he laughad. He obvousley was NOT supposed to say that plus it was clear hed been drinking allot of beer.

As soon as we were away from them he said to me that we realy shoud NOT all 4 of us go on a date--but he only said that because he is having a big fight with his wife and her sister (my former counselor) is taking HER side and that he knew that saying that woud piss them both off. He also said he's sorry for dragging me into it. He is sort of a jerk. He had like 11 beers. He never got to see Granfather cause just as we turned the corner to go down the aisle where "The Amazing Vladiemir!" was on display he threw up all over the peopple who dont speak English who run the Tube Sock booth.

Out on our ass (Almost)

I had forgotton, But i wanted to take a look at Granfathers tooth, the one that was causin him problems the day prior. But I soon forgot about this because by the time i arrived back at the Granfather Exhibit, the Exhibot Itself was getting outof the carnivol. A securrity guard was there and said that Granfather had to leave becuase a woman was there acusing the restrained foul smelling disgousting ersatz spurrious fraudullent Cosmonot of sexaul harassment.

Aparantly the old bastord was doing that growl like the Klingons do when they are in love and saying horroble stuff to all the women like "WHOO! SHAKE THET STUFF, COMRADE."

A lame excuse that works

The carnie managar was tryin to smooth things out by telling the woman and the Securrity gaurd that you cant realy call it "harasment" because there wasnt any "Employee-Worker" rellationship going on here, only a "Sideshow exhibit-Spectater" relatoinship. And what the hell coud you ECXPECT from a sideshow like GRANFATHER. And that all the carnivel was liabol for was the admission ticket and all he coud do is give her her danm 50 cents back. Gramps whispered to me: 'I LIKE THIS CARNY.'

A compramise is reached

Well dont you know just as it looked like we woud get thrown out, Granfather started his fake crying sayin about how how poor "Vladomir" came home after 30 years to find his babuskha with anothor man, and how hard it is to meet other women in his 'space capsulle.' And how hed do ANYTHING if somone woud just get him a nice Habana Quintero cigar (or else a nice Don Diego) to chew on unlit. He started screaming "AINT I HIDEOUS? AINT I UGLY? HAVE PITY, GARRLDAMN YOU, AND GARLDANM YOU ALL!"

And then, much to the ammusement, confusion and revvulsion of the crowd, (a paying audiance mind you), in his best Ellephent Man Voice:

"I AMMM NOT AN ANNIMMALLL!!!"

They agreed to let the animol bastord stay. But part of the deal was (beside slipping the securitty guard a $20 bill): No more peeing onthe dirt floor; no more bothering women; Also, if he had to fart, he had to anounce it, so people coud leave first, plus he had to point his ass AWAY not TOWARD the poor Two headed calf and the fake unicorn goats. And, one of the castor wheels on his contrapption had to come off. This made Granfather tilt to one side, but atleast he coudnt trundle around and bother custommers.

When new spectators came in, and saw the couch with one corner resting in the mud, Granfather told them that removoble castor wheels are very, very rare in Communnist Iron Curtan countreis: Even more rare than gasolene and toilet paper. Someone there who was in the tent called Granfather eithor a fake or a fool, because we all know its no longor Comunnist. Without missing a beat, the he said: "IS IT TRUE? O, LORDY HOW WONDORFUL!" and began his fake weeping agian.

A B-a-a-ad Memmory for me