...One day i will learn how to make money off of this danm thing.
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I never shoud of watched that danm movie. I had bad dreams for a year. My stepmom warned me not to go but i was too dumb to liston.
By the way: You may of notticed that many of Granfathers dogs have odd names. Wilson is named for the guy who plays Tim Tailor's neighber on Home Inprovement and who you never get tosee his whole face. The poor dog of his namesake has this unexplainned prepondorance of bulbuos mangy boils on the bottom of his face which as a result causes it to be perpettually obscured. i have never seen his whole face. We think he cought the rash from Granfather but no one can prove it.
In a faint weak redeeaming ray of grace from deep within Granfather's dark psyche, the old geezor is allowwing me to name them--So if you think of names for a goat please write me. If I name one (or both) on your sugestion, I will credit you in a futture update, and where you live: (Not your adress, but "John In Ohio" or somthing like that). Oh, and of course: The first thing i did was seal down Granfathers prized basball auttograph to its familier spot on the trailer wall with a few layors of clear packing tape. I am NOT in the mood for more goat stew, (and the bastord is a worse cook than his wife was).
By the way I am REALLY starting to get sick of that DANM TRAPPED SOFA PRISON. If aneything just for the awful wheeling castor noise at night and cleaning up random pools of syrupy steaming waste, because I cannot fix a diapor to him being that i will cut my arms on the bed springs. Its like living in the frikkin LaBrea Tar Pits. He wants to stay that way till Holoween. But as God is my wittness he will be out of there BEFORE then, i swear it.
The 2 main scientific camps are sure that the old Sun of a Bich is prehistoric in nature but they are fighting over whethor its eithor Cretacious Era or Triassic. (I happon to think hes no earlier than Pliocene, which is a big supprise for everyone, but NO ONE evor thinks to ask ME).
You see, Granfather dosent walk upright, at least not naturally, and only does so out of force of habit. I am talkin abbout those rare times when he dosent need his wheelchair or walker. There is a stop action silouette film of him, (side view) inside the smoke tunnol from last winter where he is stooped, pitched foward and running toword a picture of a nakad woman. When you run it in slow motion with a strobe, he seems to ballance himself on an invisibble tail and his hips swing outward as he runs, sort of like an evil velociraptor. His stooped, lopeing gait seems to prove he is a common ancester to both dinosaures AND apes. Its alwaeys a subject of debbate.
(Now, I KNOW he didnt mean it serriously--about that date--but perhapps SHE didnt know that I didnt know that he wasnt serioius: That in itself was ligitimately an excuse to call. Yes, it was sneakey of me. But im hoplesly in love and will stretch at any ecxuse to call her).
And then as the convorsation progressed (actualy I was the only one talking) i said that mabye we coud go see Kiss The Girls, that new movie. I said to her that, now, this was a scary film becaause I saw the comercial on TV. And just becuase Morgon Freeman was in it, well, that did NOT mean that this was some mild Driving Miss Daisey fare, but instead the type of film that if she got frightend she coud put her head on my shouldor and covor her eyes and she coud squeese my hand. Only on a FREIND level of course: NOT a BOY-freind level.
She said to me, you know Walter, I am sorry you cannot see what is going on here. She said it was time to come down hard on me, as much as she liked me personally. She said she was going to imediatly get off the phone and call my dad and suggest that i continue councelling (not with her, but with my other counselor who i just stopped seeing in July). Then politely she hung up. Well i didnt cry becase I sort of KNEW that woud hapenn if I called.
When i came back in the living room the scene was reminniscent of the famous See No Evil, Hear No Evil Speak no evil paperwieght where the 3 monkeys are squatting in a row. Except that the 3 scientists were all sittin on our couch, covoring their faces with there hands, while all 3 loudley wept, utterly weeping all three. I asked one closest to me WHAT DID HE DO NOW, and he just shook his head.
Finally aftor a few minuts he said to me that between the 3 of them they have like 39 years of college, with specielties in things like cryptozoology and teratological reptile and primate studdies. One of the men was crying becuase he simply coud not understand after all this time WHAT granfather is, and it seems his life and all his knowlege of science is a waste. The second guy was cryin becaause of all the things they discover abbout him seems to go against all biological pricippal. And the third guy: Well he just kept going on: "Heaven help the human race, heaven help the human race," holding his head. The other sceintists said that this fellow thuoght that Granfather was a harbingor for the end of the world & that they woud be watching him so he woudnt kill himself
Then i went in the kitchon. Granfather was mumbling--yes mumbling AGAIN--and had this savage grin on his face. I said what the HELL is your problem. And then he openned up his disgousting mouth and there sitting inside of it with his forked revvolting rat tail of a tounge was my WHOLE one pound block of tofu!!!
"YUP, ALL WEEK ID BEEN SUCKIN ON YER TOFU, BOY, THEN PUTTIN IT BACK IN ITS WATER," he said to me in a slurpy distourted muffoled voice. "AN' ITS DURN TASTY TOO, IF'N YOU MAKE CAREFUL SURE YOU DONT EAT NONE OF IT."
I just got off the phoene with them too: The beast started chokking and then hacked up this giant thing on the garage floor that they thuoght was a big tapeworm but when they describbed it to me we figoured out it was a 2 foot lenhtgh of one of those pulled off rubber soaping strips from the car wash he must of swalloewed by misteak a week ago.
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