Walter Miller Homepage

Home of the olny living thing that woud scare the hell out of 'Cigaret Man' from the X-files.

Mid Oct 96 AUTUNM EXTRA Update

Page 5 of 6


A Smooth ride

There was alot of bouncing an barking along the way and mostly I controled the car but later found out it needs a new diforential from all the torkque of his back seat thrashing. But at least he stayed in his pet carrier without major incodent.

Plus we spent quality time shootin the breeze about the Web, also sports. Granfathers a big fan of Theeastvillage.com and also Grape Jam which are probly (besides Melrose Place sites, colectible areas and pourno sites) among his favorites.

I also found out we both agreed that posting sport scores on the web SHOUD NOT be illegal as SOME cheap ass 1st Amendmant ignoramises seem to think. But I had to change the subject once talk drifted to the Yankees. He scraemed and rocked violantly. (There will be more on granfather and baseball later in this update)

We arrive at the place

Its a 2 story cinderblock medicol building over a luandromat. The county sheriff was informed of the sitaution by our sherrif so he was on alert.

"Oh, what a pretty PRETTEY doggie!"

The animol behavoiral specialist meets us at the door. He kept calin granfather a 'pretty dog.' He looked like a weak touchy-feely sortof man who I was afraid woudnt know his way around a truly wild animal. I said to the guy: Listen Doc, a rolled up newspaper to the snout wont cut it with my granfather youl haveto KICK HIS FRIKKIN ASS.

Granfather was already growling in a low whine. YOU CALL ME 'PURTY' ONE MORE TIME ILL PULL YER SPINE OUT THRU YER BELLYBUTTON WITH MUH TEETH he told the guy. He hacked up a lung loogie, a big pearly one an spat it right the in the guys eye with a stinging slapping noise. Quick as a flash the vet slipped on a steel glove and grabed granfathers nose twisting it hard. The beast cryed out in pain and the vet dropped to his knees with the beak in his hands and granfather too fell on his yellow belly, his arms flailing.

It was amazin cause I dont remember the last time I saw granfather in such a supplacating pose. As he screamed his ass off the animal doc nailed him on his monkylike brow with a stun gun in one hand. Then with his other hand he shoved a knitting needley lookin thing with a cable on it into his nose threading it clean thru and then locking it onto a iron ring that was atacched to the cement floor.

NURSE! HOG TIE THIS MONSTER

I was impressed. The vet stood up brushin himself off and qiuetly explaned that even in Bible times a proverb of Solomon said you can control a giant beast or bull thru a ring in his nose.

But as they hogtied him he swung his foot over his head with blinking speed. In my Feb. 96 update i mentoin a long 6th toe on granfathers foot sevral inches long that has 3 knuckels on it. It also has a diomond sharp toenail on it an he sliced a gig gash thru the doctors cheek with it an blood spourted out.

Unnique Fauna, Ill say

Oh yes the vet was prepared for an animol but this was no ordinary animol. Granfathers unique extremities, as his imediate family already knew, had extra parts and also suprise parts.

If you count his prehensile tongue, his gills, the eggtooth, the extra nippel and the weapponlike sixth simian toe, you start to realize the man is truly a living breathing friggin evolutionary Swiss Armey knife of repoulsive disgustingness.

The bleeding vet flew in a rage. He picked up this sawed off cement shovel wraped in about 20 layers of plastic packing tape and whomped the ogre's head with it.

Then the unspeakable hapenned

Granfather slapped both palms of his evel hands on the floor and with an upword jerk, pulled himself off the floor to an uprite position. There was a hiddoeus snapping noise. Surely he ripped his nose by doing this SO i THOUGHT...but when i looked up I saw the ring still in his nose ecxept there was a large chunk of cement clinging to it the size an shape of a gennerous peice of choclate cake and a coresponding void in the floor where it once was. Holy crap on a shingel.

Granfather reared up with the block of cement on his nose which swung and hit us all sharply.

The vet shoved the D-shaped shovel handle into granfathers teeth and we both leaned on it with all our wieght. The nurse quickly set up not one but 3 huge sodiun pentothol shots which each one can put a cow to death and one after the other jabbed them in a throbing vein on the monstors neck.

WHEW Ive had it