Granfathers Top 10 Peeves about the 1996 Altanta Olympics
#5 thruogh #1
The French have won to many medals.
Like any crankey patriottic American granfather hates the french. He woud even root for Iraq agianst France. However he controditcs himself on both #9 and #7 on this list becuase he enjoyed the pre-taped documentary peice on the mean skinney 40 year old wrinkley French woman cyclist with the yellow teeth who won the gold. Shes fammous for bumping other cyclists off the road onto their ass. Granfathers hot for her. He made me He made me make a special tape of her for him that had footage from past Olimpycs. Im glad i leave for thr West coast today because in fact as i write this hes watching the tape right now which is not proceeding up to that part fast enough for him so I have to fast fowward it before the old sonoffabich starts screaming and throwing things at me.
No East Germon Women
Granfather called the local NBC afilliate to complain that they dont show the big beefey mean east Germon house-frau's on Sterroids hes come to love in Olympecs past. Especialy the swimmers. He likes there big meaty bodies.
To illustraite the stupiddity of my granfather here is an excorpt of the call he made to the local NBC afilliate:
Granfather: YOUR NOT EVEN SHOWING EAST GERMANY AT ALL IN THESE OLUMPICS YOU DANM WUSSIES
TV Station person: Wake up mister, the Berlin Wall fell
Grandfather: YOUR RIGHT SO ITS EVEN MORE REASON TO SHOW THEM
Too much footage of Clintin
"When i was a boy it was a chickon in every pot and Now we have a chicken smokin pot." This is granfathers favorrite mantra and the only time hell say 20 words in a row without one of them bein a swear word or rude bodilly function. Of course my granfather tried to dogde the Draft himself many times in lots of imaginnative ways. The ways he tried to avoid the army might even deserve its own top ten list. But they snagged his skinney ass and he had to serve.
When granfather called the network afilliate to complain about no East Germon woman he also said ITS A ELECTION YEAR YOU WUSSIES and the extra Clintin covorage isnt fair.
Whenever Clintin is on TV granftaher will grumble. But he starts to scream at the top of his lungs when he does this: Clintons sanctimonnious little upsidedown smile when he bites his lower lip and wrinkels his chin up and waggs his head.
Irronicly granfather is a Democraot and he votted for Clinton and is voting for him agian and also sent 15 bucks the other day. I saw the entrey in the checkbook.
Too much Girl Gynmastics
Also hes tired of seeing tape after tape after tape AFTER TAPE of Kelley Strung hobbling around after making the final vualt. Granfather said that the Kelli Strung tape has already ben shown on American televison more total times than the damn Rodnay King beating.
Now were touchin a sore nerve here. Bob Cousta annoys him too, but hed rather see the All-Clinton Channel all day long than see THIS guy on for 1 minute. Granfather turns purple. Thankfuly Brain Gumbels ben absent for much of the games but when NBC is on all day your bound to see him here and there. The whole damn wheelchair shakes and the grisly old basterd screams at the top of his lungs with the cigarret clentched in his teeth and all the vains in his head pop out. Paridoxically however granfather likes his brother Greg Gumbol. HES A THOUGHTFULL YOUNG MAN WITH A SPARKLING PERSONALLITY says granfather. I have to tell the old coot to watch carefuly to see if its Greg and not Briant before he builds up his foment of hostillity because a few times it took him a minute or so an he was already wound up at the wrong one.
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