Walter Miller's Homepage

Its my website and i'll cry if I want to.

Late Augost/Early Septembor 1998 Update

Page 7 of 8


YES: My family members are indeed in town, sneakin arround behind my back

Later on the long drive home i stopped in a rest area and called Junoir's house agian. Junnior picked up but this time he was extremely aloof and evasive. Whattevor it was that he was calling so frantic about earlior in the day, it somhow now wasnt inportant.

I demmanded that he tell me

Junour breaks down cryin and says that he is more affraid of my brother and my sisterinlaw and my uncle than of me, especiely because my brothor has a bad temper. I said to Junior "WHERE ARE THEY" and thruogh sobbing and blubboring he told me in the motel in the next county.

I am shocked

How dare my familly show up and not tell me. I imediatly hung up and called my folks in California. My stepmothor picked up the phone and I told her. This is very odd but she did not seem suprized. I was angry, hurt and hysterricol. She said that my dad was on his way to Texas also. WELL DAMMIT TO HELL WHY.

She said CALM DOWN WALTER: My brother, and sister inlaw and also my Uncles, (Granfather's brothers), were planning to, in her words, "take Granfather away."

I asked her, "TAKE HIM AWAY WHERE," and she said that she coud not tell me, but also said that my Dad was on his way to Texas to stop them. And then she also said that if I loved or cared abbout Granfather even in the very least, that i shoud go over to the trailer right now and get him the hell out of there, and bring him someplace safe, perhapps to Junior's house.

I rush home

At first I thoght it was too late.

Even from outside I coud hear the videotape blairing of the Giuness Records TV show. The part of the tape was on which features those two brothors from Georgia who have the Ear Flipping Candy Reccord, (which had been, up until this summer, in the 'No Curent Record Exists' cattegory -- I geuss this is what you get when you cross the Guiness Book with the Fox Network), where the record was acheived when one of them places an M&M on his ear and flips them one aftor the other behind himself by sheer Ear Power to a distence of three feet as to land in the othor brotther's mouth. Granfather usualy screams at the TV, "DON'T THEM CANDIES TASTE EAR CHEEZY?", but this time there was no such dumbass screamed comment.

Very frightenned for the wellbeing of the old basterd, I busted into the front door.

Granfather was lying on his side, pail, pasty, clammey and distroght, looking like the very Face of Death. (Well, he alwayes has the Face of Death but you knoew what i mean).

"CALL AN AMBY-LANCE BOY", he gasped.

As you know our family is listed on the National rolls of Emergency Health Care Abbusers and so a $175 dollor credit card deposit is reqiured over the phone before service is dispatched. Even though he is a horroble creature I quickley made the call.

I told him what my stepmom said

In the amboulence on the way to the hospittol while holding his shrivolled hand, I asked Granfather if my brother, sisterinlaw and his two brothers had got to him, perhaps poisening him or somthin. Looking supprized he said he hadnt heard nothin about them being in town. Stairing up at me with weak, pale eyes the ailing sickley old basterd assured me that his current sufforing was purely due to his unmentionnable Guiness Record Atempt, (which he still woudnt tell me about). But the main thing on his mind was the unannounced gathoring from both coasts.

"WHUT'S THIS ABOUT A SECRET FAMBLY REUNION BOTH YOU AN' ME AIN'T BEEN TOLE ABOUT?

"TELL ME BWAH. I SAYS, "TELL ME!!"

I told Granfather what was going on, and that both me and my folks thoght that Junior's house woud be safe for him, after a stay in the hospitil. Granfather was extremmly upset. He said it woudnt be safe for Junior becuase since he indeed betrayed him by not tellin him of the secret plot to "send Granpy away", he woud personaly the next time he saw him take a bite out of his ass the size of the Loiusiana Purchase.

But even still his angor was concentraited mainly on the family: Yes, if there are four peoplle in this world who Granfather loathes most with all the vitupperous stregnth of his toxic heart of hatred, it is my brothor, his wife, and his two elderley half-brothers who live on the East coast, Uncle Zeke an Uncle William.

As soon as we pulled into the hospittol parking lot the old basterd told me to get Junior on the phone and tell him that if he wanted to redeem himmself and thereby lift the sentence of death he was now sureley facing for his betrayol, that he shoud come over right now to the hospitol. Granfather told me that he wanted Junior to come and pick me up, and then drive me over to the motel where my family was and tell them if they want to come and try to place Granpy in an old folks home or somthin of the sort, to just come on down to the hospittol and just TRY IT.

So I called Junoir up.

It all comes out.

Poor Junior was cryin and blubberin more than evor by the time he arived. On the way to the motel, he told me that he saw my brother and sister in law in town. They were pissed abbout being spotted, and had demanded that he not tell me or Granfather that he saw them. My brothor even threatenned to put Junior in an old folks home too, where hed have to sleep on sheets soaked in urine and eat bland low salt low fat food and watch awful old black and white movies on Sundey aftornoons.

It took me ten minnuts to convince poor Junoir (who is not a very inteliggent person) into beleiving that my family has no jurisdiction over his freedom, and had no power to place him in an elder care instuttution. Plus, Junior is onley like 50 years old which is too young to be in one anyway, and besiddes: there is no reason to sleep on pissed on sheets if you are able to get out of bed and change them yourself. Poor Junior has, like, the IQ of one of those free AOL trial memborship disks you keep gettin in the mail for Godsake.

My brothor can be so mean.

And so can his danm wife, who I used to like, but no more. Althuogh my brothor is normol looking and is even the most handsome one in our fammily, (hansome by our family's standords, because we truly are a pretty unatractive lot), he is the one persen who has inherrited Granfather's mean streak and bad tempor.

At the Motel

I found what room they were in and so i went up to the door and knocked. Even thuogh it was only my family in there I was still a litle afraid. I am not the kind of persen who likes confrontattion. Meanwile Junior stayed out in the car holdin his head and weeping.

My sisterinlaw looked shocked when she openned the door. My brothor was kind of pissed and told me to leave sayin it was none of my bussiness. I said "yes it is he is my granfather too."

Also in the room was Uncle Zeke and Uncle Will. Uncle Will looked like hell. Suposedly he has been dying for the past year. Uncle Zeke was sitting glumly and silently on the side of the bed, actualy twiddling his thumbs, very slowly and delibberatly. You ofton hear about people twidling there thumbs, but Granfather's oldor brother Zeke truly does it. His face was oddly painted, in what looked like purrple and green colourred make up. I did not ask why.

A big screamming match

My brother said, "Where is the old basterd? We just went to the trailor and he is gone."

I said to him, "He is in a safe place: None of your danm bisiness."

I leave -- beleive it or not becuase I care for the old Basterd