Home of the Second biggest appollogizer in the U.S.A.
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GEUSS WHO IS THE BACK UP PERSON FOR EMERGENCY WORKSTATION SUPORT WHEN NO ONE IS ARROUND....
Yes it is me. I have to do it for no increase in salory. It is not like it is in my job descritpion. It is not like they are paying me any more money. (Hell, this week, it is not like they are payin me at all).
And do you know what, there was indeed 2 butten bars on his screen but no bug was to blame. The frikin idiot had openned up anothor danm browser session in a window on the desktop. I geuss this is why he makes the big bucks.
One day I want to make the big bucks.
Dad called just as i walked in the door and told me that his freind at work ran a check on the phone number I had got from Junoir, and it was located in a hotel in New Jersey near the Nework airport. Dad was extremly pissed becuase both me and him had to take off work in order to go to the East coast to rescue the old basterd.
Dad was also able to find out by use of anothor freind of his who works at A&TT in New Jersy, (who has a freind who is a private investigator who is looking into the mattor), that my brother, uncle Zeke and Granfather were DELAYED and missed there flight: We had only 12 hours to get to Newark to stop them from taking Granfather to the land of windmills, tulips, wooden shoes, Guoda cheese and the involuntery putting down of old folks who (SUPPRIZE!!!), think they are only gettin hustoled into the car by their children (who are suspiciousley queit during the whole ride) to the doctor's office in the middle of the night, so, (so they THINK) the docter is simpley just goin to give them an emena, or check them for ticks, or somthin like that.
FYI, it may be because Granfather hasnt realy flown Northwest much, but Northwest hapens to be the only airline in this countrey that Granfather isnt "Banned For Life" from. (Come to think of it, mabye this is probly why they were on strike).
And dammit, (Dad's freind contineud on), they had bettor not even think of tryin to be hangin around at Newark Airport insted of JFK airport on Saturday or Sunday or Mondey becuase they woud be shorthanded of agents in Nework on those days.
And so, Uncle Will, as dumb as he is, (dumb as a post, really), made sure that the next time Uncle Zeke (who is even dumbor), called him from the road while on the excape route, that he woud convey this messege to Zeke, and so he did.
Since we knew they were in Nework, alls me and Dad had to do was find out which hotel.
Heres what Cathyann did that made me pissed:
Abuot a month ago, she rented The Full Monty and her and Duwaine came over the trailor to hang out with me and Granfather and got rockin ass drunk and watched it like, 8 times.
I did not drink nothin becuase i had to go to work the next day -- but then, Cathyann and the old basterd smoked some pot, but not Duwaine, (becuase he is on parole), or me eithor, (becuase, laugh if you must, but I Just Say NO to Drugs), and because they watched it so many times they memmorized every danm low class line from the film compleat with the perfect low class English accent.
Duwayne is extremly queit and he just fell asleep on the couch, and besiddes, (like me), he does not do funny voices. But Cathyann and Granfather do. And so they reppeated these danm lines, (and improvised their own as well), all night long.
"Oy say! Wrap me fat arse in clear wrap, woudja, Guv'ner, so's me to lose weight for to shake me bare naughtey bits about, eh?" they'd say.
"Oy'm not a bluddy chicken drumstick, Mum!"
Cathyann and Granfather did it that night, ALL NIHGT till the sun came up.
I'm sorrey, but that danm dumbass film getting nomminated for Best Pitcure is like my danm website winning Cool(TM) Site Of The Year(R).
It is a long ride to the airport and once agian Duwaine fell asleep. He is a big, pale very queit sweatty guy with giant nectorine-sized earlobes who sleeps allot to begin with but on ocassion goes just absollutly comatose. And after he started seriously snoaring Cathyann stops with the lame voices and descides that she wants me and her to play Truth or Dare.
I do not like truth or Dare becuase she has a ruanchy sence of humor and is always askin personal dellicate things I dont like to talk about.
Also she was smoking in the car and i hate when people smoake in the car.
She starts bein real flirty with me. I dont know if it was becuase she likes me or because she knows it makes me blush and get flustored. Or mabye she likes the thrill of being naughtey because her unassuming and paroled boyfreind was right there snoring in the seat next to her.
Then she looks over at me in the backseat and asks why I am sqiurming so much. It was partly cause I had to sit a long time, plus the Truth Or Dare qeustions she was askin me were personal and enbarassing. And not only that i was sore from sitting so mutch on that area which i described. So she says to me, in so many words, (and in a perfect voice of Granfather's English acented imitattion of the old guy in The Full Monty who is affraid of "gettin a stiffy" while he's on stage nakad), if that isnt in fact what was hapenning to me right now.
I said very loudly, "NO I AM NOT" so loud infact that Duwayne woke up, his bulby lobes bobbing like yarn bobs on the ends of deely-bob curtains, and when he did wake and asked what i was talkin about I said "NOTHIN."
My dinner was served just as the danm plane was landing, (I hate when they do that).
And there was no maggazines to read exept The National Review which as you know is all in black and white and allmost all text. (not that theres aneything wrong with that, considering my hompage).
Well there was a People maggazine in the pouch as well, but somone had blown their nose in it right on David Schwimmer. (I hate when that hapens too.)
Just as I was sittin there in my seat readdin this awful story, (a Nationol Reveiw book review, really), which was sort of a Mommy Dearest -type book focusing on novelist Evilyn Waugh and how he treated his kids, and how one of them, (who wrote the book being reveiwed), had had this peverted headmaster in boarding school who used to beat childron and also carrey this thing arround with him called "The Furry Object," I must of been sort of feeling unconfortoble, (and also acting unconfortble), because the smelly guy next to me said suddenly quite loud, STOP SQIURMING!
"Are you alone?," Dad asked when we met finaly at the gate.
I ansored, "That deppends on your definnition of 'alone',", and dad got real pissed when I said that. I was tryin to make a joke as these are the exact words Clinton said in his taped depposition when asked if he was ever alone with Monica. Dad didnot get the joke and told me to 'STOP FOOLIN ARUOND'.
They had a limp sweaty lookin buffet and i wasnt even hungrey so all I had was this disgousting opaque yellow soup. It was in this large muckey cauldren. Do you know what, I cannot even tell you what kindof soup it was but it was this familier looking institutionol double-yellow-line color with dark specks that looked like prechewed vegetobbles in it and it was very greazy tasting with this rubbery thick wrinkley puddinglike skin on top which had a faint layor of airbourne fuzz on it, being that no one has peirced this skin to serve themself any soup since 1 PM and it was now 3:30.
I think it was margerine soup. I am a jerk becuase i had 3 helpings. (I wish somone woud of told me not to do THAT)
I did not enjoy lunch becuase Dad and I had sort of an unpleasent convorsattion. He kept askin me what I was gointo do with my life. I said, "I have a job danmmit." But he said life is more than just havin a job. He said if I was ever goingto get out of debt and not haveto take care of Granfather anymore Id bettor have some long term plans. I cannot beleive his nerve. Beleive me it is no picnic takin care of Granfather. I hate my horroble life.
LONGTERM PLANS MY ASS, is what I say.