Walter Miller's Homepage

The poster child for the argumment against Federal Funding for artistic endevours on the Internet

The Late March 1998 Update

Page 6 of 7


Here is what happenned

Friday night I was home alone. Granfather was off at the Senior Center in the next county. He made our freind Junior take him. Granfather has been Banned For Life from there in 1996 for reasens i wont go into now, and in order to get arround the rules, he had boght this disguise off the Internet that he was wearing. I wont go into the details of the disguise, but I never thuoght the old coot coud efectively pass for a "Habib". At least he was also wearring one of those red and white cotton Cat-In-The-Hat hats that went ovor the large owl on his head.

But I digress. Aneyway. I logged in to do some downloads and I had a beer.

I am not a big beer drinkor.

Cathy calls up and says can she come ovor. I said sure. I woud guess that the bastord woud get throwed out of the Senior Center no later than say, 9:00, and aftor Junior bailed him out of the pokey, mabye hed be home no later than 9:30 -- perhaps 9:15 if the Sheriff was driving. I figuored Cathy woudnt "try" anything.

Meanwhile i am shy. Ive mentionned how hard and painful it is for me to make convorsation even with my freinds. So like a jerk i drank annothor beer. When she arivved i was a little wasted, but not allot.

She started teasing me a little.

As you know she gave me her permmission to write about her and our date on my hompage but she teased me by saying that I realy DID enjoy makking out with her. But that is not true. I did NOT enjoy it. In fact i coudnt even breathe. Part of the resen why i wrote about it on my hompage is because i dont have the nerve to talk abuot it with her in person. My hompage has always been a form of therappy for me. Yes i know it is pittiful and you must be thinkin what a imature jerk i am. I know it.

So she keeps leaning on me while i am on the computor trying to get one of her ample ass cheeks onto the chair with me. When I dont give in, she grunts and pushes. She allways does this. I think its cause shes short of breath from smokking so much. I woudnt realy call her fat, or even plump, but she has a body like a 55-gallon drum full of pudding. I said 'Cathyann NO.' But she luaghed in her loud raspy voice and mussed my hair which is growing in all spiky from my having shaived it all off and I told her not to do that because i am losing my hair. She said thats OK, because i "Have beautifful eyes."

Meanwhile I do NOT have beutoful eyes.

I have small, plain dark somwhat beadly looking eyes that are probly too close togethor. When a womon tells you (or at least me) that you have 'beutifull eyes', she is shovelling the crap with a shovel in both hands. It is the most over-used line by bolth males and females. Belive it or not, once before a woman used that line on me, except that time she wanted money. And i do not have any of that either.

I draw the line

I said, Cathyann weve had this convorsation before. We are only freinds. JUST freinds. And she said, OKAY, I know that: But in case I wanted a 'kissing lesson' she was ready. Because she said I am not a good kisser. Next she is askin me all these dumb qeustions about the internet and makes me go look up the Beatles in Altavista. Do you know how many refferences there are for that? "Show me them all, Walter," she says to me while struggling and grunting and wheezing and working to wegde her thigh between the armrest and my leg, and her ass and my lap. Also she pants alot from her moulth even when she is not trying to be sensuol.

The chair teetored from too many people on it. Too many is two.

Finaly just as I lost the turf war and submitted to the encroachment of her buttcheek onto my lap squashing my blessed particulors, I got up my nerve to ask her somthing: Was the thing that my brothor said to me in the e-mail earlier true? Did she realy take a dollor fifty from my brother and his freind Raymond in return for her lifting her shirt to show them her chest behind the dumpstor of the Feed store which isnt there anymore?

Well she luaghed and luaghed really extremmly loud and said YES!!! Also she said I coud see it too if I wanted to and it woud cost me only 25 cents and this was a bargian considoring the rate of inflation and how much bigger her boompies were from that time. Well then somthing weird hapened. I luaghed too. I have to tell you in all the time ive been writting this hompage I cannot think of an instence where I wrote abbout myself luaghing. Well it was a very qiuck laugh and it was ovor quickly because the next thing I knew her face closed in on me like a giant orange Garibaldi fish and then she was atacking me agian. For the first minute or so i was sucessful in keeping The Tounge out. She was like a danm Sears hammer drill and she even treid a side entry once or twice (smart girl) but i held her off. At one point i opened my eyes and saw that she was lookin at me. (Oh yuck, kissing with eyes open. Bleah!!)

Sudenly the chair colapsed