Walter Miller's Homepage

Yes, it IS possibble that this is a work of fiction. But why woud I bother?

Late Late-Augost 1997 Update

Page 4 of 7


Then they went out to eat and got throwed out of the place. It was a place that serves tofu and sprouts but the old bastord insisted on ordering what HE WANTS iregardless of whan the menu says. Ive ben to resturants a thousand times with Granfather and this is the way it usualy goes, with him screamin at some poor waitress at the top of his lungs with an unlit cigarate in his mouth because many places you cant smoke in there anymore:

"I WANTS ME A FREID BALONEY SAMWICH: FRYED IN PORK FAT, NOT NO FAGGOTY-ASS CORN OIL, AN' REAL HOT TILL THET THAR MEAT GITS CURLED ON THE EDGE AN' BLISTERY ALLOVER....

I WANTS A THICK SLICE O'VELVEETER ON TOP, THEN TELL THE COOK TO MASH THET DOGGIE DOWN WITH A SPATULOR TILL SHE'S SMOKY BLACK AN' SHINEY ON THE BOTTOM....

Y'UNNERSTAND? NOW GIT!"

...and when he says GIT! he usualy slaps the poor waitress on the ass. And hes been doin that for years, even before the othor old Texas granfather does on King Of The Hill. My hompage was around much longer than that show and some people think that my Granfather helped inspire Grandfather Hill. Well if thats the case DONT TELL HIM cause the old bastord will want a lisencing fee.

The othor reason why they were fighting was because of ANOTHOR scene Granfather made in a gas station on the way home.

Do you know how when you are in L.A., everytime you look at somebody, you think they are a celebrity? Well Granfather suffers deepley from that delusion. They were in a Texaco station and he was sure he saw Jonny Cochran. My brother said to him: "First of all Granfather, Johny Cochron woud probly NOT be in a Tecaxo station," and even still the famed O.J. Simpson deffense atorney probly woudnt be checking his own oil either. Granfather was very pushy and kept askin him for his autograph and the man told him to please stop botherin him. He was in a nice suit and a fancey car so maybe it WAS Johny Cochron but my brother coudnt tell for sure.

Granfther and my brother have a bad fight in public

It was so bad and ugly that someone had to call the cops. No one got arested but the cops had to break it up. Its realy sad because my Brother has allot in common with Granfather. I dont say that to insult him, because its dosent involve looks

But while i am more quiet and shy like my Dad, my brother has the same fearless brass confidence of the old bastord. In a way my brothor is kind of a wiseass too. When I was growing up, Granfather lived with us in California on and off. And when my brother was 14 or 15 there was a period of a year or 2 where him and the old beast were actualy friends and used to drink beer and raise hell togethor plus he got my brothor laid once at a house of ill repute in Oakland. (No one is suposed to know that). They were even arrested togethor, once for shoplifting and also once for drivin around smashhing mailboxes in a fancey nieghborhood with a bat. (I think it was Los Gatos or Los Altoes.)

It was a breif time of hapiness and male bonding between the 2 but it was meant to eventoully end--You can imagine when you have 2 people with strong personalities how conflict can occor.

Anyway you can immagine how far they are from those times when you realize the level of hatred, and pure vitriollic, vituperrative naked hatred that exixts betwean them today. Plus his wife hates Granfather even more.

My folks come outside

My dad and stepmother were all packed and came out of the house for my brother to drive them to the airport. My sisterinlaw and the kid got into the car. Guess who was elected to stay home with Granfather: Me.

I am called a bad name in front of everyone

Granfather grunted at me real loud: HEY, BOY: BRING ME IN THE HOUSE AN' MAKE ME LUNCH, YOU LITTLE...and then he called me the bad name. The name he called me was a 'beach whistle." A beach wistle is a creul name for a type of pollution that people use to describe a tubelike applicator of a femonine personal product that washes ashore. It is a Texas gulfcoast term.

I am tryin to stand up for my self and show assertive behhavior, so I confronted Granfather. Everyone said WE DONT HAVE TIME FOR THAT NOW cause they had to catch a flight.

I got angry and started cryin (not a weepy crying but an angry crying) because i wanted to ADRESS THE ISSEU of Granfathers insults. But no one cared: Instead of anyone takin my side they all said JUST GROW UP WALTER. Also my little nephew was crying from everyone screamin at each other.

At least my stepmom told me that Granfather is a bittor old man who dosent even know how mean he is so i shoudnt cry. Boy that made him cackle his ass off. There was allot of neighbors all hangin out the windows lookin at us. It was houmiliating.

My brother lives in a terrace apartment with a 3 story outdoor walkup. Just as i got to the 3rd story balcony with the writhing squirming slithory beast in my arms, my brother hollered out the car window to Granfather that if he made one more mess in his house, he woud kill him. Granfathor screamed back a string of obsennities and wriggled so furiously i almost dropped him.

Shreiking Animal Bastord

Once we were inside the house he screamed and shreiked at me to prop him in the foldout bed in the guest room. I nuked him a Lean Cuisine, which i did NOT know he didnt want until AFTOR i served it to him. The evil bastord beast peeled the plastic covoring off it and flung the thing at me and it splattored on my leg and you KNOW how hot it is rihgt when you peel the plastic off, even thruogh heavy jeans. Granfather told me that he was aiming for my face and any permonant burns i woud of gotton would of been an inprovement over my already ugly face.
This is what it is like living with GRANFATHER.

aND HE IS not A HELPLESS OLD MAN