More Americans get thier news of Granpy from Walter Miller's Home Page than from any othor suorce.
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"I TELL YUH WHUT: I WISH THEM HAIR-UNDOR-THE-ARMPIT, NON-MAKE-UP WEARING, SKINNY ASSED PEASANT-SKIRTED MIDDLE-AGED-OLD CRONE HIPPY GALS WOUD SHOW UP."
"WE'LL HAVE MORE THAN CHICKON FER SUPPER THAT NIGHT HEH HEH HEH..." (Keep on reading this update because a week later they DID show up.)
The next day, just to be prepaired, Granfathar made me tidy up the yard, and also go into town to buy some regulor dog food for the dogs as to fatton them up in case his 'unannounced' guests showed up. Two particoularrly emmaciated chickens were alloud to sleep in the trailer (but in his room NOT MINE) as to get their weight up. Their scraggly clucking and endless chicken-brained squauking and their metallic scratching on the aluminum floor at night was an anoyying pain in the ass. (But i will admit: the aroma of chicken crap was atcually somwhat of a slight inprovement in Granfathers room.)
Then at the scene where Steve Sanders and his smart-ass date were fighting with the waitress in the restuarant Granfather said to me, 'THIS SHOW BETTER INPROVE, OR YOUR GITTIN A MAJOR ASS-WHUPPING, BOY."
Yes NOW i am ALSO to blame for the poor qualitty of U.S. Televisoin. And the 90210 eposide did NOT inprove. So instead of hitting me he offored me a deal, for another show that was airing a few days later. "AND THE OLNY REASON YER GITTIN' THIS DEAL IS BECUASE O' THE NEW TWO PIECE RULE."
Of cuorse he was reffering to the first time 2 peice bathing suit rule for the Miss America Pageant swimsiut competition.
Then i asked what if Miss Texas didnt make it at all, even to the final ten. And Grranfather paused drammatically, then scowled back serriously, the sunset coming thruogh the window beaming right into his gruesome face, reducing the vertical pupils in his canary-colored eyes down to a hair's width, and growled lowly, "OOOHHHH, THEN YOUR DEAD, BOY." Saddistic imbecile.
Well Miss Texas didnt make it, and so Granfather, in his evil, sadistic cruel torturring way, offored me annother deal:
His 2 favvorites, Miss Hawaii or Miss Misisippi--eithor one--HAD to be crowned Miss America. Otherwise i woud be getting the beating of my life, OR the chickons now had to sleep with me, AND I had to make up my mind RIGHT THEN what i wanted. (The doctor had told me once, in the case of such incredibble unexplianed dementia, just to humor him in these matters.)
So i chose one. I had just saw a few days prior how he kicked the sherrifs ass, so you know what my choice was.
There is a scene in the movie the Godfather when Abe Vigoda (who used to play Detective Fish on TV) gets a dead fish in the mail and then deadpans the famous line: "Luca Brotsi sleeps with the fishes." Well, arround 2 AM, when i was still awake from one chicken pooping on my laundrey and the another one ON THE DANM BED tryin to pluck at my balls, my door swings open and the old bastord trundles in and says in his best puffed cheeked Marlin Brando voice, 'LUCA BROTSI SLEEPS WITH THE CHICKENS.'
I said Granfather, Brando doesnt even say that line about the fish: Fish does.