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This big nose hair granfather named Pride Of Milwuakee. He didnt say why. All i did know was that granfather an I had now latched onto somthing we coud do together an mabye throgh quality time even learn to be friends. Granfather also said he might cut back on smokking which was a welcome thought too as not to burn any precoius world record hairs. It was a rare happey day at our normally disfunctional home.
But then we get an omminous e-mail from Fuzzmaster3, an arrogent basterd down in Autsralia who claims to be the grand Poobah of hair record knowlege. We hapenned to mention that The General Sherman was found on a mole. Everyone knew mole hairs dont count.
Mole hairs can be yards in length an people groom them for years. If that was the case then our record meant squat.
The General Lee woud be our top seed, and everyone knows body hairs top out at 20 inches, best bet 21. At 20 and 1/2 General Lee was far lower in the world rankings way down at 66th and plus Fuzzmaster3 told us when they get wispey their time is almost up. These damn hairs were friggin barely good enouigh for our crappy county museum.
Granfather was furrious.
Also while inspectin granfathers ugly body those severol hours we did find a massive boil I WONT SAY WHERE the size of corn muffen but no one really cared. I sugested we give it a cool name like The Dutchess O'Windser or Dark Lord Lone Star but granfather was no longer in the mood.
I told him: You know granfather, if I find a few mabye my name coud get in the book too. He said NO WAY Walter ITS MY GLORY. Then he started callin me names. He recalled that I was a bedwettor till an embbarasing age. YES I ADMIT IT. Then he threw a quote of mine right in my face. YES it was well-deserved and YES it hurt.
Granfather was loudly mocked me saying I wasnt even the 2 of clubs, I was lower than the Joker. In the deck of cards of life he said I was the stupid card with the card company logo and address on it, and the chart that says a flush beats a straight and that sometimes has a diogramm of the Himelich Maneuver on it. He said I was the damn blank card that Twinkies come on that isnt even in the deck.