Walter Miller Homepage

Dorrothey i dont think were in Oz aneymore

Sept 96 Update

Page 5 of 7


Also another eposide stands out in memorey, about 3 years ago when my brother an sister inlaw first got marryed they lived in Los Angelles and they had granfather over there house for a few days. Granfather loves L.A. and begged them to take him to a TV show taping.

Take me to Tooltime Dammit!

Of course he means Home Inprovement where Tool Time is a show within a show but hes so dumb he thinks its two shows. So anyway they were in the studio audiance and granfathers sitting there with this baseball cap with a pitcure of a truck on it, just like a tool-Time attendee. Youve seen the show.

The stage manager is warming up the audience off-screan and asks everyone to make the grunting noise Tim Tailor makes: Hurr! Hurr! Hurr! but granfather realy got into it. He kept doing it when he wasnt supossed to an they had to stop the show about 3 times. These werent the freidnly Hur Hur Hur's or even the mildly loud Monnica Seles type of tennis playing grunts but real peurile carnivorrously savage inhumaly uninhiboted screaming animal noises.

A few people got phisicolly ill including one of the little boy actors on the show who started cryin and then threw up. The guy who plays Wilson came out from behind the fence to see what the hell was goin on an you actually saw his whole face.

Of course the Miller party of 3 got thrown out of the studio on thier ass. They must of called the other TV channels too to warn them cause they coudnt get into any more shows.

So there's a history here

Yes deep wounds of hattred that may not ever heal. But I digress. Back to the trailor: When granfathers taunting about jobs an careers coudnt get a charge out of my brother, granfather knows to hit the hot button. He does it by makin fun of my brothers wife. First he says shes a mean old witch. My brother ignores it. Then he says shes uglier than one of Walter's broads he meets over the internet. My brother holds in his angor. Then he says its a danm good idea she got her haircut and new sunglasses cause she was starting to look like Howerd Stern. My brother smoulders quietly but holds his temper.

Finally he breaks

HEY BOY, YOUR WEDDING VIDEO IS ON THE TV! Of course its Dennis Rodmen wearin the wedding dress. That does it. My brother gets up grabs the old coot up by his upper arms then yells at him SHUT UP OLD MAN an plops him back in the chair. Granfather bolts up and grabs a broomstick that he breaks over his knee then lunges for my brother pinning him down on the floor by the neck to choke him to death. My brother grabs a wrench an clocks him in the head. Nothin happens. Granfather grabs the ossilating fan, turns it on HIGH, rips the cage off the front an goes for my brothers face with it. My brother kicks it away. Granfather scampers along the floor like one of the monkeylike trolls in Quake over to the closet an gets the shotgun.

We have one of those Fischer Price baby monitors in case the old beast is out in one of the sheds and a tornado is coming or we cant find him in a pile of colectible crap out in one of the sheds. A squod car was driving down the county trunk route and picked up the brewhaha on there scanner. They ocassionally keep watch in this way. They headed to our home.

Break it up boys

My brother was tryin to explain and make excusses but the cop said DONT WORRY SON WE KNOW THE OLD BRUTE. They let them both off with a warning. The cops said NO MORE HITTING. They said why dont you two get a couple of beers and talk about sports of mabye watch a tractor pull on cable or something.

The second fight

The cops came was a few days later cause granfather repetedly slapped my brother for not gettin his supper fast enough. My brother warned him over an over TO STOP and finally he slapped him back. Granfater got so pissed he attacked him and the two of them toumbled on the floor pummeling each other and they rolled over by the screen door which opened and they both fell down the wooden rickety steps down onto the dust outside. The propaine company guy happend to be there filling our tank. He went in the house an called the sherrif Department.

Now the cops are pissed

One of the cops said to my brother WE HAVE LESS PROBLEMS WHEN WALTER WATCHES HIM an said if they had to come a 3rd time then BOTH of them are goin to spend the night in the pokey.

Now the watterworks