Walter Miller Homepage -- SPECIAL POLITICOL UPDATE
Part II: Granfathers pollitical brushes with fame

Harry Truman

Back when granfather was a feisty scrappey young man full of piss an vinnegar as they say he took a side trip to the Truman home outside Kansas City. As you know granfather collects lots of odd things. One of them is lawn sprinklors. He has over 4 thuosand of them piled and rusting in one of the shacks on our propperty. If you ever had one stole anytime before arouond 1970 you can bet it was the old reptile who did it. An its probly here on our propperty.

This was in the late 50s an granfather was most hopin to get a hubcap from the fourmer president's car or mabye a feildstone from his front walk. Yeah right-in his wildest dreams. But they had put this iron fence around the property. It was low enough to jump over and hes wirey enough to squeeze throu but what he decidded to do instead is snag one of his lawn sprinklors with some fishing gear. Granfather used to be an incredoble flyfisherman. Not only does he use and find bait from his own person, tying flies with wirey body hairs he coud probly snap a contact lens from your eye with the hook at 200 feet an not even scratch your eye.

There was a bunch of sprinlkers on the lawn mostly the kind that screws in the hose an looks like 4 metal freid eggs. Youve seen them. Grandpa hooks one on his first try an then starts reelin in the prize. Next thing you know Mr. Trueman throws open the sash an shouts out to him WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN OUT THERE SONNY? Granfather yells back WHAT THE HELLS IT LOOK LIKE IM DOIN. IM SNAGGIN ME A SUOVENIER.

Well then they start hollerin at each other like the Simpson eposode with Bart and George Bush except with lots of saltey langauge on both parts. Truman said he was gonna call the Secret Servic on him an Granfather said WHY DONT YOU DROP THE DANM A-BOMB ON ME INSTEAD. Mr. Truman atcually laughed when he said that. But he did call the guards an granfather scampered out of there by diving down a storm drain like a skinny furry roach. They never cought him. He didnt get the sprinklor.

Lyndon Bains Johnson

There are many storries about granfather an Johnson as granfather was an aquiantence of his for many years. As a young man granfathr (several times) crashed a barbeceu at Jonhsons ranch an once he had too much beer and went around back to pee in the bushes. LBJ who was Majorety Leader at the time saw my granfather an was walking toward him. Granfather thought hed get in trouble but LBJ atcually came up beside him to take a leak too. A lizerd ran by an LBJ said SON, THAT LIZERD LOOKS LIKE HUBBERT HUMFREY LETS BOTH SEE IF WE COUD PISS ON HIM. The 2 men shared earthey humor so to speak.

Granfather worked on LBJ's famous 1948 senate race where LBJ got more total votes than people lived in Texas. LBJ woud show up in a small town with a roll of silver dollers an give them to young addolesents like granfather so they woud go down to the cemeterey at night and write names down off of the gravestones for fraudulent votes.

Granfather was a lazey basterd and if a grave marker was moldy or chipped or covered wit weeds he woud say I CANT READ THIS GUY'S NAME DAMMIT. One night Johnson was out there with him, and he threw his big arm around granfathers gangley shoulders and said SON, NOW GO BACK THERE AN TRY TO READ THAT MAN'S NAME BECAUSE HE HAS A RIGHT TO VOTE LIKE EVREYONE ELSE.

The 2 first brushes: FDR and Coolige