Walter Miller's Home Page

Very Belated Mid-May 1997 Update page

Where a thuosand words are worth any old picture any day

Page 4 of 5


After supper I got into e-mail again and saw how many mesages I had and you would of thuoght Id ben mailbombed. I lost count of how many mesages I had and began to respond to them with a form letter.

IF YOU GOT ONE OF THESE FORM LETTORS FROM ME I APPOLLOGIZE.

It took me like 6 hours to send it all out.

Then Granfather got on the phone in the kitchen and called my Dad in California to complain about me (concerning the vacume cleaner) and while he was on the phone he told them about my webpage being Missing from the Internet.

Dad already knew

Allot of people read my Home Page at my dads job. Not allot of people know that my Dad is the father of "THE" Walter Miller. It is a suorce of enbarasment for him so he keeps it quiet. The people at his job who had oportunity to meet Granfather when the old bastord lived with us on and off in California during his recupporation knew imediately.

Then dad and my stepmom asked me to get onthe speakorphone and my stepmom told me that mabye "it was meant to be" that this hapenned because then i would stop my childish web page once and for all and learn to express myself and seek emotionol therapy in other ways. I explained to her that not everything that hapens beyond our control is always 'Meant To Be." Take for exampol the random sequencing of Granfather's DNA strings that resulted in him bein such a friggin monstor.

Dad is pissed.

My fathor told me to SHOW RESPECT and not mock granfather so much becuase he is my elder. I will agree that his species pre-dates mine, but that does not mean the disgusting horroble creatuore deservs my respect.

While we discussed the isseu the old bastord had all this weird smelly dark purpley blue liquid dribbling on his chin and I asked him abbout it and he said YOUR IMAGINING THINGS BOY and to mind my own frikkin business. At one point while we were trying to iron out all our diferences (with ME as the centor of atention when it SHOUD of been granfather), the 4 of us were all hollerin and yellin and screamin at each other in a cacaphoney of familial dysfunctionallity.

After i got off the phone i went back in my room & logged on.

"You have new Mail!"
"You have new Mail!"
"You have new Mail!"

I tell you it WASNT STOPPING. One of the messages was from Prodigy Help. They were tellin me to hang in there.

A loud sucking sound

All of a sudden from the living room I hear somthing thats like if you took a Mr. Coffee Maker when it first starts booting up and put it on a loudspeker. I saw the profile of Granfather in the dull blue light of the TV in the dark room sucking on what I thuoght was a grapefriut. But no, it was my Magic 8-Ball which must of busted when he threw it at me before. The old bastord was sucking the purple liquid out of a little crack in the tiny glass window on the bottom of it.

THAT was the stuff i saw on his chin before. He glanced evilly up at me with his savage glistening scaly reptilian face lookin like it was smeared with dark ink and he mumbled at me "WHARR' YOU LOOKIN AT?" and i coud tell from his garboled speech that the little white danm triagulor thing that says "YES", "NO" and "MABYE" on it from inside the 8-Ball was now in his friggin moulth. I thuoght i was goingto puke. But i didnt. Horrible disguisting repulsive animallistic beast.

I busied myself with writing to the Prodigy support people in Chat and buletin boards and then I worked on some of my backloged e-mails, tryin to FORGET about the reppulsive ghastley old troll in the next room. But a few huors later i smelt somthing REALLY bad. I went back in the livingroom to see what the hell was going on.

Granfather was sittin there on the couch watchin CNN but was now facing the other way, and I saw part of his profile inside the cardboard cone. His face was stonelike and unchanged and just staired straight ahead when I said to him: "Whats that smell Granfather did one of the rats out in the barn crawl up your ass and die?"

He ignoared me

But i nearly stepped in it. There in the center of the rug was this giant load. My dad had them put indoor outdoor carpet in our trailer becuase of 'stains' ocasioannaly on the rug. And from the looks of THIS thing I coud tell there'd be some seruous corrosive damage to the aluiminum floor of the house as well.

The docter had instructed me in advance what to do

And i do this ONLY to help train the old bastord because he IS smart enough to control his bowols its just that sometimes out of rebellion he will make a mess to show his displeasure. In fact I KNOW he did this on purpose: the diapor was off his ass on draped on the lampshade. I went right up to Granfather and shook my finger in his face:

"Bad....BAD!"

When he did not react by twicthing even a whisker, I went in the bathroom to get a speciel "kit" we keep there under the sink, and dumped the contents on the kitchen table & then went to work.

I put on the sleave length rubber glove and put a wad of linoleum epoxy on my thumb and fourfinger. Then I snuck up beside him and grasped for his nose. Althuogh Granfather ignored me, he knew I was coming and dodged me. But i did have the penlight in the other hand to distract him and while he grunted, bobbed and weavved to get out of my way, for an instant his evil yellow vertical pupiled eyes folowing the moving penlight, I lunged shooting my hand foward and then got a grip on him. He started whining and whelping like cornered racoon. Then i did like that Veterinarien specialist had done that time and dropped to my knees with Granfathers nose pinched betwean thumb and forefinger.

What is THAT? I SAID WHAT IS THAT?