Walter Miller Homepage

...Of cuorse, the only reason why I never sold out is cause no one ever bought.

The refurbished re-vamped Octobor 1998 Update

Page 3 of 6


OK this is kind of enbarassing but they were kids. I originaly said they were only like 14 years old but still they were kindof mean. They werent even from Newyork at all but on a class trip from Maine or somwhere. But still we were scaired.

I said goodnight to Levi and he promised to help me with my resume agian like he did anothor time, becuase I may have to be lookin for a job soon if things dont inprove at work. He is good at spotting typoes.

I visit anothor freind

That night I went Up Town to visit my freind Mirsky. He used to live in Bosten but recenltey moved to New York. I was suposed to spend the night with him and then the next day go back to Newerk to get my flight home. Me and him get along OK but after ten minites or so we usualy run out of things to talk about.

One thing I wanted to do was go see the Seinfeld cofee shop which is very near to where he lives. He said there is nothin to see but I wanted to go anyway but he was right, it was no big deal. There was a guy on the sidestreet peeing on the sidewalk and I stepped in it.

In my freinds's apartmant

Mirskey lives in this crappy small apartmint. He is somwhat famous on the web because he used to write Mirsky's Worst of the Web. But just becuase you are famuos on the Web that dosent mean you have a nice house (look at me I live in a danm trailer with Granfather for Gods sake). Howevor this apartmint was really nasty. I canot beleive how much. Somtimes I have to realize how lucky I am. Well, not realy.

Me and him hung arround the place. We were going to talk about collabborating on some cool website or somthing, but never got around to it. The whole time insted I grouched about the danm internet industry and how Content is Dead and how much my life sucked and I coudnt stand Granfather. And he grouched about how Content is Dead too and also his landlord who never fixes nothin in the apartmint.

Yes, Some people think that when people who are famuos on the Web get togethor it is some sort of fantacy world of coolness and great ideas. Well it is not. Some of us are feelin pretty ripped off, becuase by now we were all suposed to be milionaires. And the few who are, well they probly dont deserve it.

After this we just hung arround some more. I told him this story abbout one of the first times I visitted the East coast, when I was a kid. (It was way back during the first time Uncle Williom was suposed to die). My family drove in from California where we lived in Dad's brand new LeBaron, and Granfather and my grandmothor (when she was alive) came in from Texas.

Dad thoght it woud be fun if just "the men" meaning him, and me and my brother who were, mabye 7 and 10 at the time went off and did somthing fun in the mist of all of the death and disfunctionnality.

So we went to one of those Wild Kindgdom Parks, where you drive your car through this open area where wild animals are. As you coud of geussed, Granfather wanted to come. And its sort of hard to exclude the bastord when he realy wants not to be.

Well dont you know by the time we got to the area where the babboons were, they were all off in the distence. But you coud see, mabye 100 yards away, the Alpha male (who is the head of the babboons in case you dont know) jumps up on his hawnches and starts sniffin the air.

Then he starts makin this awfull howling noise and he bounds ovor to the car with all the othor babboons. We all scramboled to roll the danm windows up beffore they pounced on the car, but it didnt mattor becuase in seconds they were covoring the car hooting and shreiking and slappin the windows with there big grey leathory hands and shoved there teeth and long fingers into the rubbor gasket of the doors with murder in there red eyes. The females were right behind them throwin feces and gravel and grass at the car.

Granfather meanwhile asummed the same pose and slashed out at them, and the two primates went at it, hissing and spittin and clawing and hourling unspeakable muck at each othor sepparated only by a thin sheet of standord-gauge Chryslor-Plymouth safety glass. From where I sat, right next to the basterd in the back seat it looked like a danm giant deranged parrot atacking his own refflection in one of those cheap tin bird mirrors. Meanwhile, outside, well, you coud tell that the babboons were extremeley pissed, all of them cause that big red thing on there butts was all swelled up and inflaimed. If youve ever been to the zoo or saw a nature show on TV you know what I mean.

By the time I finished the story (getting to the part about how the rangers had to call the cops and my family all got our asses thrown out of there and how dad's new Le Baron got ruined) I looked up and saw that Mirsky had must of got up at some point cause now he was takin a showor. The phone rang and he called to me from in the showor to please pick it up cause he was expectin an inportant call. But insted it was his landlord, the one who never fixes nothin.

He was returning a call of Mirskey's from last week to say, "I am NOT goin to fix that thing you want me to fix."

I said to him, "Look I do not know what you are talkin about," and he said to me, "You DO know what I mean, and do not complain no more to me, becuase there is nothin wrong with the apartmant: You are just prissy."

Well i am NOT prissy and I told him so.

He said YES YOU ARE. And then I said, NO, it is Mirsky who you want to call prissy, not me, because I am not the complainor about the apartmint, and then he said it didnt mattor: He said listen to me, and then he said, "I am calling YOU prissy; YOU are the one who is prissy."

The whole time i was in New york it sucked. All night this iddiot right outside the window had a car alarm going off. What the hell do these people with the car alarms excpect, for crying outloud? That I am gonna spring out of bed and run outside to confront some crimminal and say, "Hey, you! Stop breakin the windows on that rich guy's Lexus!"

Plus aftor the Landlord Incodent me and Mirskey got in this argument. While we are still freinds we parted on somwhat strained terms. I was going to sugest to him that he write up a funny story about his appartment and mabye put it on his website, but I will do that after the whole thing blows over. Which I know it will, because it is not the first time that me and him had this particoulor argument.

What the argumant was about

It had to do with which TV show, The Brady Bunch or The Partrigde Family , (bolth of which people my age have only watched in reruns), is more significent in terms of what was a better show. (I will not tell you which show that I think was a bettor show, but I will say that:

  • The Partrgde Family was realy a very, very dark show, what with the broken familly; there was no rich architeck with a bad perm paying the bills, so they all had to work, even the yuongest of the kids.

  • ...And not JUST work, hell, they had to work on the road. Like a troop of pefforming poodles for Godsake. Ecxuse me, but when the Bradys were prancin around on stage singing Its a Sunshiny Day it was to pay $84.00 for an inscripption on a platter for there parents aniversary, NOT to pay the danm HMO premium before the check bounced, like the poor Partriges, who used to do things like drive all the way to Albuqeurqie for a two night gig.

  • Danny was allways in trouble with the authorrities. Not sweet Greg-Peter-Bobby type trouble, but serrious, big ass truoble. Thats why he was always hangin out at the danm taco stand to hide.

  • They replaced the swarthey skinny darkhaired youngest Partrige brother, Chris with a cherubic blond haired Chris in Season Two. Or mabye it was Seasen 3

  • And dammit there was just no father figure. Unless you considor that sociopathetic Mr. Kincaide always hangin arround in that ugly tan Sears Drip-Dry(R) suit. You know there was allot of sexoul repression going on with him and pretty Mrs. Partigde. You know he wanted to do it, and probly she wanted to do it too, exept not with him.
  • ...Pardon me but hands down i woud of rather been a frigin prissy Brady any day of the week.)

    Then the next morning just beffore i left to get the bus back to the Nework airport Mirsky said to me that he was unabble to sleep all night (and not just because of the car alarm) but beccause of bad dreams from the story I told him about Granfather and the car and the baboons and he said THANKS ALLOT.

    Finaly me and Granfather fly home