FALL 1997 WEDGIE PAGE UPDATE
Bruoght to you by Walter Miller Home Page(TM) Productions(R)
Eye-"WET"-ness to World Wedgies: The Latest Letters about Wegdies from Aruond the World

MORE Wedgyies From "DOWN UNDER"

New Zealand

Dear Walter
I thought it only fair i share with you some wedgie stories from little old New Zealand. Yes even in the land of sheep and rugby we are not immune to the wedgie blight.

The game of rugby (which we inherited from the bloody Poms) is best known for its examples of wedgies. If you have ever seen a game you will know what i mean. First there is the scrums. For the uninitiated this is where half of each team get together for what seems like a group hug under pressure. It provides ample opportunities for the wedgie giver to take his plessure from the pain of others.

Then there is the high ball, known for two reasons. The first and most recognised reason is that one team kicks the ball high into the air and someone from the opposite team jumps high off the ground and catches it. Following this they are normally steamrolled by the opposition and carried off on a streture. However, there is a variation of the high ball where instead of waiting for the ball and player to return to ground from their jump the opposing player simply takes hold of the elastic of the man in the air and waits for gravity to do its bit.

The "line-out" wedgie is also famous in rugby circles. You need to watch the game to understand why this is done but it seems to be done without any attempt to hide it. Simply one player on a team lifts another player on the same team by his elastic so that he can catch the ball. If you think this sounds a little crazy then you would be right, but hey, rugby is our national game and who am I to argue?

Anyway, thought I might give you a Kiwi perspective on wedgies. Good luck with the old bastard!

Cheers,

Mike E.

New Zealand

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Dear Mike,

For a peacefull nation thats declaired itself a Nucular Free Zone, you sure are some bloody viollent bastords arent you? Now I know why the Xena and Hercules TV shows are filmed in New Zeeland: No shortege of extras to get thier asses kicked in those battle scenes.

In all serriousness i deeply apreciated your wondorful descripptive note. And in the interests of multiculturallism, you mihgt want to know that here in the Unitad States, a "Line-Out" Wedgie means somthing differrent: It is a Wedgie where the dark stripe on the undorwear is pre-treated quickley enough after wedgying and before washing as to ensure that the line-shaped stain on the crotch proporly washes out in the laundrey.

Your freind,

Walter Miller

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Australlia

Walter, Walter, Walter,
Australia has a "macho" tradition and I have had some dreadful Wedgie experiences to prove it. And playing rugby and football puts you in the company of the toughest boys.

One time: I am jumped by 3 boys in the locker area. Forced onto my back, my shorts are pressed in my arse making a deep stain. This is minutes before an important match, so I am forced to compete with the soil mark.

Another time: I am attacked by a gang of ruffians while dressing after a shower. All throughout, I am greeted by vicious taunts. Needless to say, more drippy foecal matter appeared and another shower was needed.

Yet again: Grabbed by my undershorts I am bounced, and bounced and bounced until I cried for mercy. Its stops only when the cloth tears, and I tumble to the floor.

These were all boys who knew me. I cannot for the life of me determine why I was the object of so many wedgies. Can you shed some light?

Sincerely,

Chauncey in Australia

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Dear Chauncey,

As long as youve shed blood, (as well as shed that OTHOR stuff--you know what Im talkin abbout), ill be glad to shed light: Coud it posibly be becuase your name is "Chauncey?" Just a thuoght.

Your freind,

Walter Miller

P.S. I greatley aprecaited your fabbulous note on Australein Wedgies

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Antarctica

Dear Walter,
Several years ago, I spent some time in Antarctica. The wild beauty of the place is enough to compensate for the boredom and isolation. I noticed that the surface snow of Antarctica, (at least compared to snow and ice I had seen elsewhere), was of a solid, granular texture.

One day, miscalculating my ability not to trip and fall on what I thought was a grittier surface, I did indeed stumble, landing directly on my face.

A colleague of mine lifted me up by the seat of the pants, and I suffered a Wedgie of profound dimensions. The worst part was that i could not un-wedgie myself until we returned back to base.

Then it was my turn to give a wedgie. I waited until he was clad only in his underwear. You should have heard him yelp. This was in 1983.

Sincerely,

Mr R.

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Dear Mr. R.,

Sir, these may be the world's "bottom-most" Continnent's verry first ocurring wedgies on record. If that is so, i congratullate you. I wont list your nation of origin here, as Antarcticca is the whole world's to share. Othorwise, surely the othor countries who have bases there will lay claim to your acheivement. Instead we will let all the world nattions enjoy this historric ocurrence.

Your freind,

Walter Miller

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