FALL 1997 WEDGIE PAGE UPDATE
Bruoght to you by Walter Miller Home Page(TM) Productions(R)
A Wedgeographical Tour:
'Hike' across the USA and salute each Region's Wedgies

THE MID WEST

Wisconson

Dear Mr. Miller,

Your wedgie page is not only entertaining, but educational. Please add another regional wedgie to your list from my home state of Wisconsin. It's a rather painful kind that I received many of in my youth among the pine trees in the north woods. This wedgie involved introducing a foreign object between the victim's butt and underwear before the yanking commenced. Usually, this object was an easy to find pinecone. It was called getting a "bristler" or being "coned". Ouch!

People improvised, like my older brother. He would grab anything within reach; gravel, lawn clippings, you name it, and then start pulling (usually) my Jockeys straight up. I was once hung from a coat peg with a load of leaves and twigs wedged in my butt. I got a really weird rash for a while.

Thanks for reading this, and hope it helps your research.

Mr P., in Wisconsin

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dear Mr. P.,

I apreciate your Wisconson Wegdie info. A Green Bay fan wrote me to say that down in New Orlains many Packers fans were sqiurting CheezWiz (and also Wispride!) in Patroit Fans' pants on Bourbon Street during the 1997 Super Bowl festivites. Thanks agian for writing.

Your freind,
Walter Miller

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Michican
Hey Walter,

In my last e-mail I forgot to tell you about the Michigan double wedgie. One time I tried to give my friend a wedgie, but he wouldn't turn his body around so I reached around (standing in front of him) gripped his underwear and started to give him a wedgie, but at the same time, he gave me one! We continued pulling more until he realized I was stronger and had longer arms, we both ended up with big wedgies, but his was MUCH bigger.

Mr. D., Mich.

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Dear Mr. D.

Thanks for your note....from the state of 'double' penninsulas. You just descibed a "mutual wedgie". Also, sevoral people in Michigan's Mackinaw Island wrote to tell me that isalnd natives call summer tuorists "fudgies". But they nevor said why.

Your freind,
Walter Miller

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Missouri
Dear Walter,

The Missouri Wedgie celebrates Missouri's "Show Me" heritage. A state rivalry with neighboring Kansas which began in the Civil War survives to this day, so THEY are the ones we mostly nail in the ass.

Here's how to wedgie a dim-witted Kansan: First, make up a word. Let's suppose that made up word is "flump."

Next, you go find a dumb Kansans walking down the street, (not hard to spot), and you say to him: "Hey! There's a 'flump' on your back!" Then he quickly turns around with his back toward you and says, (pretending to know what it means), "Oh no! A flump! Show me. SHOW me!"

Of course, the rest is easy to imagine. The next thing you "show" him is the label of his underwear, which you've pulled so far up you can snap it onto his forehead.

Mr. A. in Missouri

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Dear Mr. A.

Thanks for your note. In the interrest of equol time, please read the lettor below.

Your freind,
Walter Miller

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Kansas
Dear Walter,

I like to go into bars and start talkin about wedgies. Sure enough some Missouri boy within earshot will start clamoring- Whats a wedgie? Show me! (They are the "Show Me State")

So what do I do? I show them!

You see, they dont give Wedgies in Misouri. Know why? Its for the same reason why you cant rope a Missouri mule no more--Because the guy who knows how to tie the knot moved out of state!

Mr. O. in
Kansas U.S.A

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Dear Mr. O (and Mr. A.)

Gentolmen, gentolmen, PLEASE! I soberley ask you: 'Cant we all get along?' Now ive looked at my Macnalley Atlas agian and GEUSS WHAT: It looks like you 2 live abbout 10 minuts from each other. I want you to get togethor and put an end to all this hatred. Mabye go out to dinnor or somthing. You know, share one of those big Kanses City T-bone steaks. (Or if budget dosent permit, a rump roast or butt steak.)

Your freind across all state lines,

Walter Miller

And speaking of neighborring state rivalries:

Read how GRANFATHER intercepted my mail and responded to people in Three SOUTH CENTROL U.S. STATES