Wedgies Around The World: GREAT BRITAIN

In todays modern UK, wedgies (often locally called 'Grundies') are the reason why men wear kilts in Scotland--its much harder to get 'pantsed' if your not wearin pants. Many Welsh wedgy victims suffer in silence as a cover of coal mine dust covers as well the hidden crimes agianst them. Ah, but ENGLAND is the worlds Wedgy capitol!

In a culture as class conscious as ASS concious, the cotton cuts across ALL classes. Wedgies are found from the paneled grottos ofthe Huose of Lords to seedy alleys & schoolyards of Livorpool and Londons East End, where many a bully in John Bull's Isle strikes fear in smaller blokes by anouncing:" 'Ere's a fine wet Grundy for ye, Gov'ner!"

My knowlege of British histery is limited to Prince Valient comics but i know from extensiv e-mail things like this:

That invading Romans found themselfes pickin their togas out, wedged in by the ancient Pickts. And that in 1066 a wedgie was one of the first things Willaim the Conqurer gave Harold II uppon landing with his forces at the not-so-white-that-day cliffs of Dover--(which we all know was named for 11th Century undorwear merchant Sir Ben Dover & Lady Eileen Dover.)

By 1215 the Magna Carta specificly extended rights de-extending woolens from the buttcracks ofthe opressed. Other wedgieless gaps inclueded the Victorien Era, the World Wars, & the orderly but opresive Cromwell years; (which were folowed by the decadent Restorration Era's CRAMwell years).

A few woman were known to give a hike in there day: obviosly Bloody Mary; plus the ever-pissed off Caroline of Brunswik. Elizabeth the 1st was known to of left a nice tobbaco-coloured one on those puffy pantaloons of Sir Walter Raliegh. And also Mary Quean of Scots, around whom youd 'watch your hole' at the 9th hole of St Andreuw's: They said she did her best work with the busines end of a golfclub--Yup, a WEDGE.

Other British lumineries in wedgie history include Henry 8th who creully wedgied his wives before beheading; (his father's famuous 1485 wristy is mentioned on the main Wedgie page.)

And Sir Frances Drake's ship wasnt called the Golden Hind for nothin: It was a honor he earned for browning the ass of the Spanish Armoda in 1588. And yes, the childrens practical joke of "Prince Albert in a can" was originaly "Prince Albort in HIS can" and refered, of cuorse, to childhood Wedgies.

Plus we all know that Sir Issac Newton discovored downward gravity from the falling apple--but did you know he also discovred UPWARD gravitty in the form of a wet painful apple brown bettyish lookin wedgie from a neghborhood bully? Suposedly it hapened under the same tree. Later, the Lucasien Chair at Oxford on which Newton sat was said to of had a donut cushoin on it due to many other raw and regulor rips he got from other jealous Oxferd facultey.

Among Prime Ministers, John Major got major grundies as a kid as did Disraily, Gladstone and the Duke of Marlboro. Pubesscent PM's on the GIVING end of wegdies included Thatchor, Churchill and Heath, for whom a type of toffy-colored wegdy is named. A young boy at Eton known as 'Nevile the devil' terorozed other youths' asses with the tip of an umbrella, (albeit with glovved hands); as an adult he lost his agresive qualitys, later developing the not-painful-at-all 'Peace In Our Time' Wedgie.

Wise-ass 20th Centery kings Edword the 7th and George 5th were infamuos wedgie givers in their youth while timid royals who got wedged by schoolmates included Edward The 8th and Goerge 6th. And into the present its not hard to see that homely Prince Charls was browned much more often after school than handsom Prince Andy.

The sun never sets on the English wedgie and we end with a Royal wedgie anecdote that suposedly took place in 1992, the much celebrated horible year Queen Elizbeth called her "Anus Horriblius":

Prince Phillip was out ridin his horse on a Spring day. When he dismounted he had a curiuos flushed look on his face. Then he looked at his valet and remmarked most confodentially, "As soon as i get to the Palace I do bellieve I am going to rip the Queen's knickers off as quickley as I posibly can."

The Valet playfuly poked him in the side with his elbow and said, "Your feelin a bit frisky, are you, Your Royal Hihgness?"

To which the Prince repleid: "No indeed. I mistakenley put the Queen's knickers on in place of my own this morning and they are now wedged most painfuly up the crack of my Royal arse."

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