Top 10 Subjects of Wedgie Related E-mail
(Contineud)
...and so we end this list with:

#1
Retread humor

Yes, you ALL KNOW what Im talkin about: One morning, you see you have NEW MAIL. So you exitedly click your mail icon. Chances are if its not some dumb spam, you just got one of those witty clever lists that get circulatted around the world by e-mail; Stuff like: "The Canonicol List of PC Viruses." Or, "Microsoft Lightbulb jokes." Or, those five same lame Dan Quail quotes from the Year One.

WELL MY DREAM IS TO WRITE SOMTHING LIKE THAT DAMMIT--Yes, write somthing FUNNY that people e-mail to all there freinds. To be in that special circle, like those very first lists of O.J. jokes that flew around the world on the Internet to be repeated at bar rooms and New Media expos--jokes that were already repeated a dozon times EVEN AS THE COPS WERE STILL CHASIN the white Bronco...

So, to fulfil my dream I did 2 things. First I took all the funny stuff people sent me thats NOT about Wedgies--stuff youve heard a milion times before. Stuff like THIS:

AT&T VIRUS: Appears every 3 minutes to tell you what great service your gettin compared to the MCI Virus

MCI VIRUS: Appears every 3 minutes to remind you your payin too much for the AT&T Virus

Oh I get it Ha Ha!. Youve SEEN the list. And just now, your starting to remember ones like....The Ted Turner Virus? Colorizes your monocrome monitor! Mario Cuomo Virus? Woud be great, but never runs! Dan Quail Virus?...Oh..Yeah...Funny...I get it...NOT.

Now stick with me here folks. Ive got nothin agianst 're-tread' humor. (In fact in a minute or so youll see MY example of it.) But for cryin out loud, I first saw the Canonical Virus List way back in '91 when I was practicly in diapors and granfather wasnt. You babyboomers who run the world must relize: Whats still rellatively new jokes for YOU are practicly nostalgia for us barely twenty-somthings.

So thats why Ive come up with:

THE CANONICAL LIST OF WEDGIES

Heres how the NEW list works: You take the OLD joke, like this:

TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor
And make it this NEW one:
TED TURNER WEDGIE: Makes a plain brown wedgie lots of colors
Oh boy. Much funnier: Same irevverence, same mocking of a fuddy duddy societal icon, but yet, with a new issue: WEDGIES.

Cause after all, who has monochrome anymore? And after the GoodTimes scare, who even BELIEVES in virusses anymore? You babyboomers have made my generation very cynicol!

I think youll enjoy what Ive done with the CANONICAL LIST OF WEDGIES. We start with some lame old ones, then proceed with some new fresh originols...Youll love what weve done to the ATT & MCI ones too, plus added a timely industry 'mark' to the whole thing. I even proofread it!

Folks, after you real the folowing page, you must click BACK on your browser to return to this page. You see, the only hyporlink on the next page is to the main Walter Miller's Home Page, and Im guessing you want to read everything else about WEDGIES before returning there.

The reason there is no return link on the following page is this: THE CANONICAL LIST OF WEDGIES is designed to be cut in a text file and e-mailed out to freinds and family. Or printed out and photocoppied around. So NEW people can enjoy my writing.

Yes, this is a pittiful blatant move on my part to promote myself and my work in a the spirit of shameless self-agrandizement. But dammit i admit it. Ive been candid and open about my poorselfimage problem and my childish compulsive need to have people pay atention to me.

So, to sooth and assuage my flailing selfesteem I am enlisting and depputizing YOU my fans, to spread the word about the stuff i write.

Let not the sun set on tomorrow unless the wator cooler chatter at your job is about THE CULT OF WALTER. (And lets also hope that people at work you DONT like will have there asses fired for luaghin too much on comnpany time after readin it).

So here it is, in one 4500-btye text file, (and easy to snip and pass along to freinds by e-mail, hint-hint!) its:

THE CANONICAL LIST OF WEDGIES


Go back to Top of this Wedgie Page Update