Ammazing but true: A website THIS BAD, and withuot even a penny of venture capitol.
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One day last week i was looking at him in the othor room while he clutched the little toy gift. He had a very rare look on his face and was concentratting hard. He is watching one of those cable merchansize channels.
The bastord begins to shake slightley, and then this creschendoes into a low, sustained palsy. Then as his face darkened from his normol hot-dog orange color to a deeper shade, that of dryed rancid Velveeta, he gets more violentley quivery, and shaking all over. The whole trailor shook and rattled. All of a suddon, while still staring at the TV, Granfather starts shreiking like a danm animal. I thohgt he was dying or somthing. It was the most hideuous shrill bellowing noise you want to hear. I run inside and the old sonoffobich starts smackin me me with his hand.
"GIT MUH BROKER ON THE PHONE!" he screammed out at the top of his lungs with a cigarete clenched tight in his teeth,
"GRAMPY'S SELLIN OUT!"
I said to him, "What the HELL are you talkin abbout." Well, i git hit AGIAN, and then he screamed some more.
"I'M SELLIN ALL THEM HIGH-TECH STOCKS AND PLOWIN' ALL MUH CASH INTO THEM LITTLE STUFFED BEANY-BAG TOYS!"
I said, Granfather, please think first beffore you do that. I cannot tell you the look of vituperous hatred he shot my way. In a low threattening voice he muttered out a string of murderrous threats to me if i did not get the broker on the phone by the time he counted to "ONE!"
Granfather can do allot of voices and acents. Today it is the Scottish one.
In case you dont know, there is a craze for them now, which started ammong little kids, but now their parents are involved. Most of the little toys cost like, $5 or $6 bucks but some of them are $20, or even $50 or $100, becuase they are so-called "limmited editions" which are discontineud after only a few of them are made.
These extremmly out-of-fashion small cardboard disks are curently filling up two whole barns, plus with no windows and a leakey roof they are all ruinned and rancid.
Do you have aney idea how much money $88000 is? It is not like we are rich or anything. To raise the money, Granfather cashed in some bonds, borowwed money, sold stocks and even ripped off my dad and Uncles to get ahold of cash for his mad Pog-mania.
The man is a danm Petry dish for stupid ideas. Come to think of it, considoring his bacteria-freindly quallities, he is a Petry dish in any sence of the word.
The thing that pisses me off most, is that this money was suposed to be set aside to take care of the sonoffobich in his old age. Instead, I now have to do it.
"LOOKY HERE BOY," Granfather said to me, wagging and mashing the danm guide in my face while I was actualy tryin to go to bathroom. (Yes, he busted in on me).
"THIS HERE BUTT-UGLY KITTY CAT COST JUST $150.00...
...BUT'LL THE PRICE GUIDE SAYS IT'LL BE NIGH CLOSE TO TWO-GRAND BY THE YEAR OUGHT-SEVEN!" he hollared.
I did not like what was going on. I did not like it one bit.
Granfather loves Mafia movies and it is a real pain in the ass to watch any when he is in the room, cause he never stops talking. Ever since I was a kid I remmember Granfather bragging that back in the 1960s he had 'mob ties' by spending a few weeks workin for "one of the famous Newyork families" as an extortion racketeer. Why the New York Mob woud need the services of a foul-smelling illitterate backwoods yokel like him is beyond me.
While he launched into his regulor boast all during the show, Uncle Zeke cut in by saying that the only work Granfather ever did for extortionists was with small time swindlers, who used to present untouched photograpghs of the old basterd to frightenned shopkeepers, tellin them, "This is what will happan to your face if you dont PAY UP", and not only that but the onley "famous family" to reqeust Granfather's services was Ringling Brothers concerning posibble employment oportunities as a danm non-human side show atraction.