Artistically painted (just for the Internet) with a broad toilat brush.
Page 8 of 8
And she was even more drunker than she was beffore, smiling and makin her eyebrows go up and down. Very seductively she removed the Marlboro from her porterhouse lips and blew smoke in my face. Then she burped and more smoke came out her nose and she kept learing at me and slowly was lickin her lips.
OhmyGOD, i had to get outof there....And i had to do it beffore the sewege level rose anymore.
The clothesline was mabye 5 feet away.
And if I stayed, i would have to engage in errotic fisticuffs to deffend my sacred honor. And so i leaped...And so I made it.
Hanging upside down I wrapped my knees arround the clothesline which strained undor my weight. There was no way Cathyann woud come after me, because i was sure the cord woudnt hold her, being that I weighed allot less.
Reaching the othor side, i clammored into the window of the barn, and gently dropped myself on the hood of the car hands first as not to cause a dent. The sewwege level in the barn was only up to the wheels of the old Pontiac. I climbed into the drivers side, and just as i stuck the key in, I heard a loud crash and felt a poworful blow to my head. I was knocked out....
"But whut hapenned to the necklace? The NECKLACE?", Uncle Will screammed at the poor undorpaid, overworked Texas State Department of Septic and Cesspool Disastar Recovory employee.
"I'm getting to that!" he answored inpatiently. The $75-an hour guy with the virtual reallity glove tool thingy flipped the Catfish Cam(TM) on once agian. Junior stood by the entrence of the cabin and pleadded with Madison, who as i said, was a medicol doctor, to please prescribe for him, "a couple of months' worth, and strictly fer medicol reasons ONLY," a few boxes of the new smokes he had enjoyed three weeks ago. And my boss, my boss's boss, the client who was paying for the Catfish Cam(TM), and the Lady Who Screams at Everyone were all screammin at each othor.
"Muh dumb-ass little brother," Uncle Will griped and wheezed, "The one you-all candyass computer wingnut poindexter sumbitches keep callin' 'The Subject' was keepin muh necklace in a dagnab cigar box under his bed."
"FIND it," Uncle Will hollared, at the Lady Who Screamms At Everyone, which was a misteak if you ask me...
You can geuss what it was that knocked me out in the Pontiac: Cathyann indeed was able to make it ovor to the barn by way of the clothesline just like me, and as she dove in the window, she plopped ass first onto the roof of Uncle Zeke's car, cauasing it to indent down and whack me in the head. I awoke to my horror in a horrorzontal position to sound of my own ribs bein crushed, her arms wrapped tight arround my wriggling strugling torso. And then it came.
Yes, in one part of the film somone indeed gets attacked and inpregnated by a reptilian swamp monstor, (and this in itself is a key to my precedent geneology, at least on Granfathers side of the familly); but what i am thinking of here is annothor scene where this disgousting salami looking thing proceeds out of this poor kids mouth just as he sheds his skin to becomme the Beast Within. If you evor saw that movie (and to my knowlege only me and Rogor Ebert ever have), that -- That my freinds, THAT is "the tounge."
I respectfuly decline to give aneymore details of what hapenned in that car.
With the sewege practicallay up to his neck, Junior waded out to resceu both me and Cathyann, and in two trips, carreyed us piggyback, to the safety of the trailer. Yes, it was now too late to resceu Uncle Zeke's car.
I hate being the skinniest persen in any given sittuation, because i am allways the one who is told to crawl into tight places to do things i havent the brains or courage to do. Yes, poor Uncle Z. was handcuffed to the upper toilat pipe which ran across the ceiling of the storm celler. You can guess who did this to him: GRANFATHER.
The raw brown sewege was up to his neck and was slosshing up round his moulth and he gasped at me, and those sad eyes of his which look in oppossite directions when he looks at you were both gripped in terror. As you know i have seen this movie beffore and so for some serendippitous reasen, a large heavy ax was handy, and i so used it to whack the chain off Uncle Zeke's wrist.
Also, pasted to my Uncle's forehead was the label to a 3.5" diskette, and writton on this (in Granfather's evil handwriting scrawl), it read:
I pulled my poor elderley uncle up to the opening of the hatch, but it was blocked. Yes, Granfather had tore off the screen door from the laundry room, and placed it over the trapdoor, kneeling on it. While I fearfully watched, he looped a biciycle chain thruogh the door, locking us in. Me and Zeke grasped the door, rattoling and shaking it screamin that we will drown if the bastord dosent let us out.
"WHOSE THE 'THIRD CLASS' ANIMAL NOW?" Granfather shreiked and then he scamporred off.
Well that ax came in handy again, and in no time i busted through and was back inside the trailer hallway.
"All's me an' Willy want is to git thet thar necklace, so we can toss it into the watery grave of thet Gawd-awful devil brother of ours," Uncle Zeke told the virtual reallity operator, as he slowly opened up the cigar box that was under Granfather's bed.
Yes the Catfish Cam(TM), now reaching down more than 100 feet thruogh brown cesspool juice, had finaly located Granfather's bedroom. The trailor had landed upright on the new sea floor. Floating there in the murkey waste of adult diapers, beer cans, and anime pornoggraphy CDs from Japan, the remmote controle camera navigatted around, and then stopped: There, undullating in the filthey liquid like a giant peice of flat kelp, we all saw a horrobly acurrate charcole drawing of a bastord in an atack crouch, and the sight of this on the viewor caused everyyone on board to hold in a gasp...
..But then, they gasped agian, this time in uninhibitted, unrestrained horror....
We had located the body of the Bastord Himelf!!!Just 2 days ago, I was begining to resign myself to the fact that Granfather was lost for good. And now, looking into those eyes, frozon open in the mask of drowning death, i had my answor....I had my resollution. I had my peace....
BUT ONLY FOR A MOMENT...BECAUSE JUST THEN HE BLINKED!
IT'S ALIVE! AAAAAIGHGGGHHH!
I hope you liked the updatte. It was like i said, abbout, (mabye) like 50% exagorated. All the rest of it was true, I swear. Also, Granfather is (sadly) still alive and well. SEE YOU LATER THIS MONTH FOR A NEW UPDATTE.