Wedgies Around The World: ASIA

Leave it to those briliant Japonese to copy anything we Americans come up with. Wedgies are NOT part of there culture but theyve addopted them OK. Genoral Douglos McArthur is said to of personaly introduced dipplomatic wedgies there, after the distrous American fleet bullied poor Nippon back in in 1853.

The land of the Rising Sun is also the land of rising standords or living AND underwear ellastic. Home too of the 'virtual wedgie' which is all done by computor. They say that by the year 2000 they will have alarm clocks and public vending machenes cappable of giving wedgies.

Youd think a countrey that executtes drug dealors woud of abbolished this Western scourge or at least punish it more severeley. Yet the celebratted Banana Wedgie survives. A young reader from the beutifol city of Koalalumpour wrote to describe it: You quikly open the back of the victims underwaer, insert a peeled bannana (soft and turning brown) then hike it up. It brands the recipeint with the added humilaitoin ofthe apearence of havin crapped in ones pants.

Curently the only nation in the world where the stain of Wedgies sustain a form of coporol punishment. You remembor how upset President Clintin was when that poor American kid got his ass caned there for vandolizing those cars. (In any case his ass was hurt allot LESS BY THEM than it would of been in any US prison...OH CRAP!).

During his 1996 visit Mr. Clinton sugested a kindler gentler alterntive to the harsh cane: A new wedgy called a 'Singapoure Sling'. The Singapoureans agreed to it, and in return provided Mr. Clinton with ideas from Singopore that he can use to crack down on free expresion on the Web in the USA--since there so good at that.

In a great diplomattic crossing of cultures and cotton, the leaders of the 2 nations plus businesmen from allover Southeast Asia exhcanged cerimoniol Wedgies on the dais as a sign of goodwill.

Later, while flyin home on Airforce One (and making Numbor Two), Mr Clinton found hidden in the copiuos fleshy folds of his ample Executtive Posterior an ulterior deep-logded roll of US $100 bills an Indonesien gentlemen must of slipped in durin the frendly wedgies. Just last week the errent Mister Franklins were ecxhanged for fresh unstained ones from the US mint and the donation was graciousley returned.

Think Wegdies dont exist here? "Sari", your wrong! Acording to e-mail I get from Indian folks, who, hands down, (perhaps even hands down your PANTS), have the alltime best sence of humor of any people in the world, being the earth's largest free democrattic soceity does have its risks!

Why do you think Madras cloth has all those faint washed out colors? To qoute more than one e-mail i got from India: "Invading British bastords!" Yes, India never had wedgies till the Brits bruoght them there. And now that computor dweebs from the West are invading, your just as likely as in London to get your shorts curried...

Which brings us to...The Greatest Wegdie center, (uh, make that 'Centre' of the World), reelm of Kings, this throne, this sceptored Isle, this...ENGLOND!

Wedgies in Britain